recent comments
mjp said: I'm, uh, working on it. Right now. ~ Fly me to the moon, then blow that shit up!
shane said: michael phillips,you are a fuckin madman,post yer next story... ~ Fly me to the moon, then blow that shit up!
mjp said: Yes, that is a potential problem for people in 10,001. I often worry about... ~ Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this...
damian said: indeed. ~ Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this...
Scott h Florance said: The Christians believe Jesus Christ tis immortal and he lives forever. It is... ~ Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this...
mjp said: Isn't there a NASCAR or gun or fishing or tabakky-chewing site you can go... ~ I can see for miles, but it's kind of blurry up ahead
Andrew Olin Jones said: Hillbilly said you might turn off the smog but I don't want you to do that... ~ I can see for miles, but it's kind of blurry up ahead
mjp said: My childhood box? I don't think anyone wants to open that... ~ Fly me to the moon, then blow that shit up!
 
previous ramblings
I can see for miles, but it's kind of blurry up ahead 2.18.08
Simple is as simple does 1.31.08
I feel the earthworms under my feet 1.22.08
New boots and panties 1.19.08
I haven't given up, I've just stopped trying 12.25.07
I don't pray. Kneeling bags my nylons. 12.20.07
So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night 9.19.07
Grab the closet case by the horns 8.11.07
Blogged down in the forum of my youth 5.23.07
Hotter than July 5.16.07
26 Miles Across the Deep Blue Sea 5.11.07
A rose by any other name, still doesn't smell so good 4.6.07
Children of a lesser dog from hell 2.22.07
Squid lights 1.9.07
Cats and dogs 12.19.06
Mission accomplished! 11.22.06
Various tidbits of marginal interest to anyone 11.9.06
Buddy, can you spare a town? 10.16.06
A garbage can is somewhat precise. 10.6.06
Another cantankerous rant - surprise! 9.25.06
Hey, where you been? 9.1.06
Geeeeeeee mail, @smog.net 7.27.06
Oh good lord, it's a kid's show 7.22.06
Sleeping dogs 6.28.06
Dumb and dumber 6.21.06
HDTV for $150! 5.16.06
Thank you for calling the White House. My name is Krishna, how may I be providing you excellent service today? 4.28.06
Decades and bits of centuries 4.24.06
Secret Society 3.22.06
Sometimes I don't speak right, but yet I know what I'm talking about 3.20.06
This is the modern world 3.15.06
Shakespeare never did this 2.18.06
Who is Lonnie Tolliver, and why should you care? 1.27.06
Scuttlebutt and innuendo 1.16.06
Beware the fury of a patient man 1.6.06
I feel 100 pounds lighter already... 12.30.05
Dude! Your wiki is showing... 12.20.05
Yeti spotted, film at 11! 12.19.05
"God is a concept by which we measure our pain." 12.9.05
Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this... 12.8.05
Hey, what's with the torn up clothes, and didn't you have a shag haircut last week? 12.5.05
Shameless self-promotion or a desperate cry for love? You decide. 11.18.05
Further proof that drinking will kill you 11.6.05
Big Apple dreamin' on a wooden floor 11.1.05
Happy birthday to smog. Now where's my cake? 10.16.05
I got nothing 10.4.05
free within my own doom 9.25.05
A Rambling Essay on Politics and the Bleeding Life Written While Drinking a Six-Pack (Tall) 9.12.05
(There's Gonna Be A) Showdown 8.31.05
Well, could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then? 8.28.05
What has four wheels and flies? 8.21.05
Don't think twice, it's all right 8.13.05
My ass is getting cold sitting on this glacier... 8.11.05
Capital radio 8.11.05
nobody's fault 7.23.05
secret santa 7.3.05
everything we touch turns to rust 6.21.05
on the edge of seventeen 6.13.05
life at 300 baud 6.9.05
12 steps away from the screen, running 6.5.05
shake a leg 6.5.05
san pedro anarchy press, Inc. 5.22.05
Z is for zealot 5.20.05
Lenny Bruce was right 5.16.05
bad meat in the can 5.12.05
it's in the water 5.12.05
you tell me 5.10.05
what matters most is how well you're lit 5.5.05
just keep pulling the handle, it'll all be over soon 5.3.05
rust never sleeps 4.24.05
randomness, chaos and deliverance 4.21.05
baby was a black sheep, baby was a whore 4.20.05
Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream? 4.16.05
roses are red, violets are blue, i thought my hell had ended, but the devil is a crafty bastard with a sick sense of humor and a mean streak a mile wide 4.14.05
rock the cash bar 4.12.05
many rivers to cross 4.10.05
imitation is the sincerest form of unoriginality 4.8.05
if you are the big tree, we are the small axe! 4.8.05
give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine 4.4.05
and who the hell figured QWERTY was a good idea? 4.4.05
your pope was nothing compared to this guy! 4.3.05
you've got a TV...i've got a TV...we've all got TV's... 3.29.05
hitler painted roses 3.26.05
counselor 3.25.05
she's still here, damn it! 3.21.05
patience is a virtue, but resignation is for suckers. 3.13.05
should have taken mom up on those violin lessons... 3.9.05
last night a dj saved my life! yeah, maaaaan! 3.9.05
if i had a hammer... 3.8.05
caveman re-invents the wheel! film at 11. 3.7.05
he's mad as hell, and he's not going to take it anymore! 3.4.05
this is a public service announcement - with guitar! 3.2.05
battlefield girth 2.28.05
never give a media giant an even break 2.25.05
10 Things I've done that you haven't 2.24.05
come back, bastard! 2.23.05
hey, just because he likes Judy Garland records and the Tony awards doesn't necessarily mean anything... 2.23.05
"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." 2.21.05
I couldn't say it if it wasn't true 2.17.05
The demons begged Jesus, "If you drive us out, send us into the herd of pigs." 2.11.05
how to lose 10 pounds in five minutes! 2.6.05
earth to smog, earth to smog 2.5.05
my own private chernobyl... 2.2.05
Estoy solo, pero siento que tu estas conmigo. 1.26.05
confessions of an obsessive freak of nature 1.5.05
death wants more death 12.30.04
every mikkle make a muckle (ask a Jamaican what it means) 12.17.04
things that don't suck 12.15.04
what's it all about, mjp? 11.11.04
old dog, new tricks 9.2.04
if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all 8.15.04
Frida Kahlo, Charles Bukowski and Joel-Peter Witkin have left the building 2.13.03
R.I.P. smog.net 5.19.04
almost cut my hair...it happened just the other day 4.23.04
and we're back! 4.22.04
one cocoa full a basket 2.14.04
let's get ready to rumble 1.24.04
brace yourself for a shitstorm 1.6.04
it's my party, i'll o.d. if i want to 12.6.03
pimp-a-licious 11.27.03
on a clear day you can see the 18th century 11.9.03
men are from mars, women are from vegas 10.14.03
hit and run walker 10.6.03
It's all cow, after all 10.2.03
Johnny Cash is dead, Tower records is bankrupt, gawd save the fucking Queen. 9.13.03
any history of mental illness? 9.10.03
boggle: to hesitate as if in fear or doubt. 9.6.03
pass the aspirin 8.27.03
this is what i get for leaving the house 7.21.03
safety in numbers 7.13.03
god damn 7.11.03
a million and one stupid things... 6.6.03
praise Jeebus! 5.23.03
Kennedy to John Lydon; "Oh, lighten up!" 5.20.03
they say the French are cowards and assholes... 5.2.03
I couldn't possibly be *that* fat! 4.19.03
what's so funny 'bout peace love and understanding? 3.22.03
this skunk's for you 3.12.03
Monday's coming like a jail on wheels 2.24.03
linux, linus, lomax, duck! 2.20.03
FREE MICHAEL JACKSON! 2.18.03
the weather in Los Angeles is cloudy 2.13.03
©1995-2008 mjp
| bad meat in the can Thursday, May 12th 2005, 2:13pm
i needed 50 interesting old can or bottle labels for a book project, so i checked ebay. i didn't think i'd be able to find 50 of the same thing, but lo and behold, ebay came through again, giving me dozens of choices of weird old labels with at least 50 copies of each.
now that's great for me, but it begs the question, who the hell else is buying 50 copies of an old can label?! lots of people, as it turns out. but i cannot, in my most warped and loopy imagination, understand why.
we certainly collect a lot of weird shit, there's no denying that. beer cans, civil war bullets, old radios, HotWheels cars, plates with shit printed on them...it's really a never ending list. but i will admit that i was surprised to learn that there were label collectors. on one hand, i'm glad the human race can still surprise me, but on the other, given the sheer volume of idiotic pastimes that we engage in and the pointless shit we amass, i don't hold out much hope for our ultimate survival.
what the hell is the average person going to do with 50 tomato can labels anyway? "Bob, look at this...very rare, very rare, and i have fifty of them!" i suppose i should thank nuts like that for saving those labels for me for the last several decades.
worse than that, i've recently learned that there are people who collect old lead type used for letterpress. they don't use it. they just buy it and - and i don't know what. look at it in a box? hand it to someone and laugh, "it's heavy, ain't it! har har! heavier than it looks, huh? woo hoo!" the problem with that is there are some of us who actually want to use it, and when a "collector" buys a rare old typeface, it's out of circulation until he kicks the bucket. at which point his wife will likely throw it all into a dumpster with his old pants and Field and Stream magazines. not to mention the fact that these fruitcakes have driven prices to ridiculous levels.
i know what some of you are thinking, "hey, you ruin old books to make crappy art!" and, okay, you aren't completely wrong. i do ruin them (and it is crappy art), but i do not ruin anything desirable or valuable. i only pay a few dollars for the old books, and they are usually pretty fucked up when i get them.
and the labels i'm buying...those are going to get fucked up too. so i guess i'm guilty of doing exactly what i'm complaining about. which is probably why it makes me so mad, because none of us likes seeing our own faults on display in others. a filthy trick of the human psyche! we will be so much better off when we're all robots in the year 2000...
on Thursday, May 12th 2005 at 2:24pm, carol es said:
on Monday, July 25th 2005 at 9:59pm, Hillbilly Jones said:
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