smog.net

recent comments

mjp said: I'm, uh, working on it. Right now. ~ Fly me to the moon, then blow that shit up!

shane said: michael phillips,you are a fuckin madman,post yer next story... ~ Fly me to the moon, then blow that shit up!

mjp said: Yes, that is a potential problem for people in 10,001. I often worry about... ~ Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this...

damian said: indeed. ~ Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this...

Scott h Florance said: The Christians believe Jesus Christ tis immortal and he lives forever. It is... ~ Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this...

mjp said: Isn't there a NASCAR or gun or fishing or tabakky-chewing site you can go... ~ I can see for miles, but it's kind of blurry up ahead

Andrew Olin Jones said: Hillbilly said you might turn off the smog but I don't want you to do that... ~ I can see for miles, but it's kind of blurry up ahead

mjp said: My childhood box? I don't think anyone wants to open that... ~ Fly me to the moon, then blow that shit up!

previous ramblings

• I can see for miles, but it's kind of blurry up ahead 2.18.08

• Simple is as simple does 1.31.08

• I feel the earthworms under my feet 1.22.08

• New boots and panties 1.19.08

• I haven't given up, I've just stopped trying 12.25.07

• I don't pray. Kneeling bags my nylons. 12.20.07

• So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night 9.19.07

• Grab the closet case by the horns 8.11.07

• Blogged down in the forum of my youth 5.23.07

• Hotter than July 5.16.07

• 26 Miles Across the Deep Blue Sea 5.11.07

• A rose by any other name, still doesn't smell so good 4.6.07

• Children of a lesser dog from hell 2.22.07

• Squid lights 1.9.07

• Cats and dogs 12.19.06

• Mission accomplished! 11.22.06

• Various tidbits of marginal interest to anyone 11.9.06

• Buddy, can you spare a town? 10.16.06

• A garbage can is somewhat precise. 10.6.06

• Another cantankerous rant - surprise! 9.25.06

• Hey, where you been? 9.1.06

• Geeeeeeee mail, @smog.net 7.27.06

• Oh good lord, it's a kid's show 7.22.06

• Sleeping dogs 6.28.06

• Dumb and dumber 6.21.06

• HDTV for $150! 5.16.06

• Thank you for calling the White House. My name is Krishna, how may I be providing you excellent service today? 4.28.06

• Decades and bits of centuries 4.24.06

• Secret Society 3.22.06

• Sometimes I don't speak right, but yet I know what I'm talking about 3.20.06

• This is the modern world 3.15.06

• Shakespeare never did this 2.18.06

• Who is Lonnie Tolliver, and why should you care? 1.27.06

• Scuttlebutt and innuendo 1.16.06

• Beware the fury of a patient man 1.6.06

• I feel 100 pounds lighter already... 12.30.05

• Dude! Your wiki is showing... 12.20.05

• Yeti spotted, film at 11! 12.19.05

• "God is a concept by which we measure our pain." 12.9.05

• Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this... 12.8.05

• Hey, what's with the torn up clothes, and didn't you have a shag haircut last week? 12.5.05

• Shameless self-promotion or a desperate cry for love? You decide. 11.18.05

• Further proof that drinking will kill you 11.6.05

• Big Apple dreamin' on a wooden floor 11.1.05

• Happy birthday to smog. Now where's my cake? 10.16.05

• I got nothing 10.4.05

• free within my own doom 9.25.05

• A Rambling Essay on Politics and the Bleeding Life Written While Drinking a Six-Pack (Tall) 9.12.05

• (There's Gonna Be A) Showdown 8.31.05

• Well, could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then? 8.28.05

• What has four wheels and flies? 8.21.05

• Don't think twice, it's all right 8.13.05

• My ass is getting cold sitting on this glacier... 8.11.05

• Capital radio 8.11.05

• nobody's fault 7.23.05

• secret santa 7.3.05

• everything we touch turns to rust 6.21.05

• on the edge of seventeen 6.13.05

• life at 300 baud 6.9.05

• 12 steps away from the screen, running 6.5.05

• shake a leg 6.5.05

• san pedro anarchy press, Inc. 5.22.05

• Z is for zealot 5.20.05

• Lenny Bruce was right 5.16.05

• bad meat in the can 5.12.05

• it's in the water 5.12.05

• you tell me 5.10.05

• what matters most is how well you're lit 5.5.05

• just keep pulling the handle, it'll all be over soon 5.3.05

• rust never sleeps 4.24.05

• randomness, chaos and deliverance 4.21.05

• baby was a black sheep, baby was a whore 4.20.05

• Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream? 4.16.05

• roses are red, violets are blue, i thought my hell had ended, but the devil is a crafty bastard with a sick sense of humor and a mean streak a mile wide 4.14.05

• rock the cash bar 4.12.05

• many rivers to cross 4.10.05

• imitation is the sincerest form of unoriginality 4.8.05

• if you are the big tree, we are the small axe! 4.8.05

• give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine 4.4.05

• and who the hell figured QWERTY was a good idea? 4.4.05

• your pope was nothing compared to this guy! 4.3.05

• you've got a TV...i've got a TV...we've all got TV's... 3.29.05

• hitler painted roses 3.26.05

• counselor 3.25.05

• she's still here, damn it! 3.21.05

• patience is a virtue, but resignation is for suckers. 3.13.05

• should have taken mom up on those violin lessons... 3.9.05

• last night a dj saved my life! yeah, maaaaan! 3.9.05

• if i had a hammer... 3.8.05

• caveman re-invents the wheel! film at 11. 3.7.05

• he's mad as hell, and he's not going to take it anymore! 3.4.05

• this is a public service announcement - with guitar! 3.2.05

• battlefield girth 2.28.05

• never give a media giant an even break 2.25.05

• 10 Things I've done that you haven't 2.24.05

• come back, bastard! 2.23.05

• hey, just because he likes Judy Garland records and the Tony awards doesn't necessarily mean anything... 2.23.05

• "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." 2.21.05

• I couldn't say it if it wasn't true 2.17.05

• The demons begged Jesus, "If you drive us out, send us into the herd of pigs." 2.11.05

• how to lose 10 pounds in five minutes! 2.6.05

• earth to smog, earth to smog 2.5.05

• my own private chernobyl... 2.2.05

• Estoy solo, pero siento que tu estas conmigo. 1.26.05

• confessions of an obsessive freak of nature 1.5.05

• death wants more death 12.30.04

• every mikkle make a muckle (ask a Jamaican what it means) 12.17.04

• things that don't suck 12.15.04

• what's it all about, mjp? 11.11.04

• old dog, new tricks 9.2.04

• if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all 8.15.04

• Frida Kahlo, Charles Bukowski and Joel-Peter Witkin have left the building 2.13.03

• R.I.P. smog.net 5.19.04

• almost cut my hair...it happened just the other day 4.23.04

• and we're back! 4.22.04

• one cocoa full a basket 2.14.04

• let's get ready to rumble 1.24.04

• brace yourself for a shitstorm 1.6.04

• it's my party, i'll o.d. if i want to 12.6.03

• pimp-a-licious 11.27.03

• on a clear day you can see the 18th century 11.9.03

• men are from mars, women are from vegas 10.14.03

• hit and run walker 10.6.03

• It's all cow, after all 10.2.03

• Johnny Cash is dead, Tower records is bankrupt, gawd save the fucking Queen. 9.13.03

• any history of mental illness? 9.10.03

• boggle: to hesitate as if in fear or doubt. 9.6.03

• pass the aspirin 8.27.03

• this is what i get for leaving the house 7.21.03

• safety in numbers 7.13.03

• god damn 7.11.03

• a million and one stupid things... 6.6.03

• praise Jeebus! 5.23.03

• Kennedy to John Lydon; "Oh, lighten up!" 5.20.03

• they say the French are cowards and assholes... 5.2.03

• I couldn't possibly be *that* fat! 4.19.03

• what's so funny 'bout peace love and understanding? 3.22.03

• this skunk's for you 3.12.03

• Monday's coming like a jail on wheels 2.24.03

• linux, linus, lomax, duck! 2.20.03

• FREE MICHAEL JACKSON! 2.18.03

• the weather in Los Angeles is cloudy 2.13.03

©1995-2008 mjp

caveman re-invents the wheel! film at 11.
Monday, March 7th 2005

this started innocently enough - write a little input box to add these things to the database, and a simple page to display them. i kept telling myself, "it's not a blog! it's just some posts...you know, to keep people up to date with what's going on..." but then i started posting ridiculous pictures and rants and okay, so it's a blog. what do you want from me?

problem is, sensible people say to themselves, "self, i'm going to write in a blog! people love me, and i'm sure they want to know my every thought!" and then they go out and sign up on livejournal or blogger, or if they're really geeks they download a blog program to use.

but not me. no, i have to re-invent the damn wheel every time i do anything around here. it's senseless, but i do it anyway. so here is this thing that allows me to post, edit, manage comments, generate feeds - even pings weblogs.com automatically for christ's sake. and i could have just as easily downloaded typepad or one of the other million type-whatever programs and had all that and more with zero coding on my part.

but that's the problem. i would have downloaded one of those (in fact i have downloaded a bunch of them, and installed them elsewhere), and not been satisfied with it and started hacking it right away. so instead i have this dead simple system that does the job without any extraneous crap. as a joke i called it "buddy 1.0 - content management system for dogs." which would be funny if i didn't now have people asking me where they can download it.

if i was smart i'd package it up with an installation script and market it as the world's simplest blog. but that just sounds like more work, and like i said, "if i was smart..."

so here it is, buddy 1.1.

so mild and nice to your hands...in fact, you're soaking in it!

on Monday, March 7th 2005 at 2:00am, your girlfriend said:
after all that work, why the hell *don't* you package it and sell it? the only thing you need to add is an auto link to a url on people's names that post. you know, to network. welcome to the blogisphere. it's really dumb.

on Monday, March 7th 2005 at 2:00am, mjp said:
good idear. the link to site option has been added. click on either of our names to see...

on Monday, March 7th 2005 at 2:00am, tom said:
wonderful. i even noticed the Buddy line in your rss. what a geek i am.

on Monday, March 7th 2005 at 2:00am, mjp said:
that doesn't mean you're a geek, it just means that you're observant.

keep telling yourself that...

on Monday, March 7th 2005 at 2:00am, mjp said:
and thanks for removing the "http://" from the URL field when you posted - that lead me to catch a minor flaw in my otherwise brilliant logic.

on Monday, March 7th 2005 at 2:00am, tom said:
see..i knew your precious buddy was fauly. time for buddy 1.2

on Monday, March 7th 2005 at 2:00am, tom said:
and damnit i cant fucking type. that should have been 'faulty'.

on Monday, March 7th 2005 at 2:00am, mjp said:
i never said buddy was precious or perfect (just "brilliant"). ;)

but you're right, i've just dubbed it 1.2.

on Monday, March 7th 2005 at 2:00am, goodespeler said:
i was one of the wankers who thought buddy was real. actualy, i didnt put much thought into. i knew mjp wrote his own stuff, yet he let me go on and on about buddy and laughed at me. now, i must go back into my cave and eat my chicken with waffles.

on Monday, March 7th 2005 at 2:00am, goodespeler said:
oh yea, your little smog pic on the left there used to be static. i liked it when it was static and the text moved on top of it, not with it. can you fix that? it bothers me. ;)

on Monday, March 7th 2005 at 2:00am, mjp said:
nothing to fix. it's PERFECT as-is!

and i didn't laugh at you, i was very nice about it, bastard. i guess you don't remember asking me for the code. how quickly they forget!