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recent comments

mjp said: I'm, uh, working on it. Right now. ~ Fly me to the moon, then blow that shit up!

shane said: michael phillips,you are a fuckin madman,post yer next story... ~ Fly me to the moon, then blow that shit up!

mjp said: Yes, that is a potential problem for people in 10,001. I often worry about... ~ Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this...

damian said: indeed. ~ Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this...

Scott h Florance said: The Christians believe Jesus Christ tis immortal and he lives forever. It is... ~ Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this...

mjp said: Isn't there a NASCAR or gun or fishing or tabakky-chewing site you can go... ~ I can see for miles, but it's kind of blurry up ahead

Andrew Olin Jones said: Hillbilly said you might turn off the smog but I don't want you to do that... ~ I can see for miles, but it's kind of blurry up ahead

mjp said: My childhood box? I don't think anyone wants to open that... ~ Fly me to the moon, then blow that shit up!

previous ramblings

• I can see for miles, but it's kind of blurry up ahead 2.18.08

• Simple is as simple does 1.31.08

• I feel the earthworms under my feet 1.22.08

• New boots and panties 1.19.08

• I haven't given up, I've just stopped trying 12.25.07

• I don't pray. Kneeling bags my nylons. 12.20.07

• So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night 9.19.07

• Grab the closet case by the horns 8.11.07

• Blogged down in the forum of my youth 5.23.07

• Hotter than July 5.16.07

• 26 Miles Across the Deep Blue Sea 5.11.07

• A rose by any other name, still doesn't smell so good 4.6.07

• Children of a lesser dog from hell 2.22.07

• Squid lights 1.9.07

• Cats and dogs 12.19.06

• Mission accomplished! 11.22.06

• Various tidbits of marginal interest to anyone 11.9.06

• Buddy, can you spare a town? 10.16.06

• A garbage can is somewhat precise. 10.6.06

• Another cantankerous rant - surprise! 9.25.06

• Hey, where you been? 9.1.06

• Geeeeeeee mail, @smog.net 7.27.06

• Oh good lord, it's a kid's show 7.22.06

• Sleeping dogs 6.28.06

• Dumb and dumber 6.21.06

• HDTV for $150! 5.16.06

• Thank you for calling the White House. My name is Krishna, how may I be providing you excellent service today? 4.28.06

• Decades and bits of centuries 4.24.06

• Secret Society 3.22.06

• Sometimes I don't speak right, but yet I know what I'm talking about 3.20.06

• This is the modern world 3.15.06

• Shakespeare never did this 2.18.06

• Who is Lonnie Tolliver, and why should you care? 1.27.06

• Scuttlebutt and innuendo 1.16.06

• Beware the fury of a patient man 1.6.06

• I feel 100 pounds lighter already... 12.30.05

• Dude! Your wiki is showing... 12.20.05

• Yeti spotted, film at 11! 12.19.05

• "God is a concept by which we measure our pain." 12.9.05

• Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this... 12.8.05

• Hey, what's with the torn up clothes, and didn't you have a shag haircut last week? 12.5.05

• Shameless self-promotion or a desperate cry for love? You decide. 11.18.05

• Further proof that drinking will kill you 11.6.05

• Big Apple dreamin' on a wooden floor 11.1.05

• Happy birthday to smog. Now where's my cake? 10.16.05

• I got nothing 10.4.05

• free within my own doom 9.25.05

• A Rambling Essay on Politics and the Bleeding Life Written While Drinking a Six-Pack (Tall) 9.12.05

• (There's Gonna Be A) Showdown 8.31.05

• Well, could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then? 8.28.05

• What has four wheels and flies? 8.21.05

• Don't think twice, it's all right 8.13.05

• My ass is getting cold sitting on this glacier... 8.11.05

• Capital radio 8.11.05

• nobody's fault 7.23.05

• secret santa 7.3.05

• everything we touch turns to rust 6.21.05

• on the edge of seventeen 6.13.05

• life at 300 baud 6.9.05

• 12 steps away from the screen, running 6.5.05

• shake a leg 6.5.05

• san pedro anarchy press, Inc. 5.22.05

• Z is for zealot 5.20.05

• Lenny Bruce was right 5.16.05

• bad meat in the can 5.12.05

• it's in the water 5.12.05

• you tell me 5.10.05

• what matters most is how well you're lit 5.5.05

• just keep pulling the handle, it'll all be over soon 5.3.05

• rust never sleeps 4.24.05

• randomness, chaos and deliverance 4.21.05

• baby was a black sheep, baby was a whore 4.20.05

• Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream? 4.16.05

• roses are red, violets are blue, i thought my hell had ended, but the devil is a crafty bastard with a sick sense of humor and a mean streak a mile wide 4.14.05

• rock the cash bar 4.12.05

• many rivers to cross 4.10.05

• imitation is the sincerest form of unoriginality 4.8.05

• if you are the big tree, we are the small axe! 4.8.05

• give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine 4.4.05

• and who the hell figured QWERTY was a good idea? 4.4.05

• your pope was nothing compared to this guy! 4.3.05

• you've got a TV...i've got a TV...we've all got TV's... 3.29.05

• hitler painted roses 3.26.05

• counselor 3.25.05

• she's still here, damn it! 3.21.05

• patience is a virtue, but resignation is for suckers. 3.13.05

• should have taken mom up on those violin lessons... 3.9.05

• last night a dj saved my life! yeah, maaaaan! 3.9.05

• if i had a hammer... 3.8.05

• caveman re-invents the wheel! film at 11. 3.7.05

• he's mad as hell, and he's not going to take it anymore! 3.4.05

• this is a public service announcement - with guitar! 3.2.05

• battlefield girth 2.28.05

• never give a media giant an even break 2.25.05

• 10 Things I've done that you haven't 2.24.05

• come back, bastard! 2.23.05

• hey, just because he likes Judy Garland records and the Tony awards doesn't necessarily mean anything... 2.23.05

• "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." 2.21.05

• I couldn't say it if it wasn't true 2.17.05

• The demons begged Jesus, "If you drive us out, send us into the herd of pigs." 2.11.05

• how to lose 10 pounds in five minutes! 2.6.05

• earth to smog, earth to smog 2.5.05

• my own private chernobyl... 2.2.05

• Estoy solo, pero siento que tu estas conmigo. 1.26.05

• confessions of an obsessive freak of nature 1.5.05

• death wants more death 12.30.04

• every mikkle make a muckle (ask a Jamaican what it means) 12.17.04

• things that don't suck 12.15.04

• what's it all about, mjp? 11.11.04

• old dog, new tricks 9.2.04

• if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all 8.15.04

• Frida Kahlo, Charles Bukowski and Joel-Peter Witkin have left the building 2.13.03

• R.I.P. smog.net 5.19.04

• almost cut my hair...it happened just the other day 4.23.04

• and we're back! 4.22.04

• one cocoa full a basket 2.14.04

• let's get ready to rumble 1.24.04

• brace yourself for a shitstorm 1.6.04

• it's my party, i'll o.d. if i want to 12.6.03

• pimp-a-licious 11.27.03

• on a clear day you can see the 18th century 11.9.03

• men are from mars, women are from vegas 10.14.03

• hit and run walker 10.6.03

• It's all cow, after all 10.2.03

• Johnny Cash is dead, Tower records is bankrupt, gawd save the fucking Queen. 9.13.03

• any history of mental illness? 9.10.03

• boggle: to hesitate as if in fear or doubt. 9.6.03

• pass the aspirin 8.27.03

• this is what i get for leaving the house 7.21.03

• safety in numbers 7.13.03

• god damn 7.11.03

• a million and one stupid things... 6.6.03

• praise Jeebus! 5.23.03

• Kennedy to John Lydon; "Oh, lighten up!" 5.20.03

• they say the French are cowards and assholes... 5.2.03

• I couldn't possibly be *that* fat! 4.19.03

• what's so funny 'bout peace love and understanding? 3.22.03

• this skunk's for you 3.12.03

• Monday's coming like a jail on wheels 2.24.03

• linux, linus, lomax, duck! 2.20.03

• FREE MICHAEL JACKSON! 2.18.03

• the weather in Los Angeles is cloudy 2.13.03

©1995-2008 mjp

I feel the earthworms under my feet
Tuesday, January 22nd 2008, 8:12pm

Frida

It's been almost four years since there has been any Frida Kahlo content on smog.net, but far and away the most commonly searched term on the blog is still her name.

The internet never forgets! I can tell you that much for sure. Well, you know, parts of the internet.

In the early days of the WWW, all the print articles panted and drooled over the possibilities that such a permanent, freely available archive would offer. No longer would we be bound to those nasty old books and periodicals. Every grain of human knowledge would be a few clicks away (if not via WWW, then grab all the world's files with gopher!).

Man, it was a great time with such a promising future spread out in front of us. We didn't know it was no more than a cruel joke, and that a mere 10 years later we would have nothing but a wikipedia full of half-assed pseudo-information and an archive containing tens of billions of broken pages.

Speaking of those early days, I found a floppy disk that came with a 1996 issue of The Net magazine. I liked The Net because they wrote articles like, How To Get Online For The Price Of 30 Taco Bell Burritos, and also because they ran reviews which featured a few of my early sites, and that made me feel like an internet superstar celebrity.

What? Web site reviews? Yeah, imagine that. Imagine a web that was coherently reviewable because it didn't expand out to infinity. There were actually a few print magazines that reviewed web sites, and it didn't take a hell of a lot to impress them.

The Net is dead

The Net shipped every month with an ultra high tech floppy disk (and later, CD) that supposedly contained links to all the sites mentioned in that issue, along with utterly useless and usually corrupt or nonfunctional little shareware and freeware apps. Recently I was overcome with a wave of nostalgia so I jammed one of those 1996-era floppy disks into the oldest computer I own - the only one that still has a floppy drive - fired up Netscape Navigator 0.91, and went for a spin.

Well, I tried to. The relic of a "home page" opened (it was even named home.htm), but every link on the disk is now invalid. Not most of them, or almost all of them - every one. One of these days when I'm feeling ambitious maybe I will dump the contents of that disk up here for your own nostalgic/masochistic pleasure.

So how are we supposed to recreate those glory days of 1996? Ah, there's the beauty; we can't. With the exception of a handful of sites that have remained relatively unchanged (you'll know 'em when you see 'em), 1996 may as well be 1896 as far as the web is concerned.

But wait a minute, I thought everything was being archived by some benevolent government agency or institute of higher learning? I mean, Google archived (archives?) all of usenet, right? No way, buddy.

Frida

I searched our friend Google for a few of my old poems that appeared on an early Lollapalooza site and came up with nada. Same story at archive.org. In 1996 I wasted boatloads of time posting on usenet as well, but searching my then email address in the Google archive turns up zero posts and only one reference to a post.

What does all this mean? Well, maybe nothing. Maybe it's best that no one can read my old usenet posts and bad grunge-era poetry. In fact, I know it's for the best. But what about the few tidbits of useful information that were out there?

If they still exist they are buried under a mountain of electro-rubble that we will never, ever dig out from under. And get this: we've only started on this landfill, babies. We are perched on the proverbial tip of the iceberg.

So remember, back up your data! Then stick it in the closet on a spindle of DVDs or old hard drives so you can throw it all away when you're cleaning house in 2018.

on Tuesday, January 29th 2008 at 1:28am, worm said:
Frida Kahlo is beautiful. Bring her back.