| recent comments mjp said: I'm, uh, working on it. Right now. ~ Fly me to the moon, then blow that shit up! shane said: michael phillips,you are a fuckin madman,post yer next story... ~ Fly me to the moon, then blow that shit up! mjp said: Yes, that is a potential problem for people in 10,001. I often worry about... ~ Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this... damian said: indeed. ~ Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this... Scott h Florance said: The Christians believe Jesus Christ tis immortal and he lives forever. It is... ~ Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this... mjp said: Isn't there a NASCAR or gun or fishing or tabakky-chewing site you can go... ~ I can see for miles, but it's kind of blurry up ahead Andrew Olin Jones said: Hillbilly said you might turn off the smog but I don't want you to do that... ~ I can see for miles, but it's kind of blurry up ahead mjp said: My childhood box? I don't think anyone wants to open that... ~ Fly me to the moon, then blow that shit up!   previous ramblings • I can see for miles, but it's kind of blurry up ahead 2.18.08 • Simple is as simple does 1.31.08 • I feel the earthworms under my feet 1.22.08 • New boots and panties 1.19.08 • I haven't given up, I've just stopped trying 12.25.07 • I don't pray. Kneeling bags my nylons. 12.20.07 • So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night 9.19.07 • Grab the closet case by the horns 8.11.07 • Blogged down in the forum of my youth 5.23.07 • Hotter than July 5.16.07 • 26 Miles Across the Deep Blue Sea 5.11.07 • A rose by any other name, still doesn't smell so good 4.6.07 • Children of a lesser dog from hell 2.22.07 • Squid lights 1.9.07 • Cats and dogs 12.19.06 • Mission accomplished! 11.22.06 • Various tidbits of marginal interest to anyone 11.9.06 • Buddy, can you spare a town? 10.16.06 • A garbage can is somewhat precise. 10.6.06 • Another cantankerous rant - surprise! 9.25.06 • Hey, where you been? 9.1.06 • Geeeeeeee mail, @smog.net 7.27.06 • Oh good lord, it's a kid's show 7.22.06 • Sleeping dogs 6.28.06 • Dumb and dumber 6.21.06 • HDTV for $150! 5.16.06 • Thank you for calling the White House. My name is Krishna, how may I be providing you excellent service today? 4.28.06 • Decades and bits of centuries 4.24.06 • Secret Society 3.22.06 • Sometimes I don't speak right, but yet I know what I'm talking about 3.20.06 • This is the modern world 3.15.06 • Shakespeare never did this 2.18.06 • Who is Lonnie Tolliver, and why should you care? 1.27.06 • Scuttlebutt and innuendo 1.16.06 • Beware the fury of a patient man 1.6.06 • I feel 100 pounds lighter already... 12.30.05 • Dude! Your wiki is showing... 12.20.05 • Yeti spotted, film at 11! 12.19.05 • "God is a concept by which we measure our pain." 12.9.05 • Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this... 12.8.05 • Hey, what's with the torn up clothes, and didn't you have a shag haircut last week? 12.5.05 • Shameless self-promotion or a desperate cry for love? You decide. 11.18.05 • Further proof that drinking will kill you 11.6.05 • Big Apple dreamin' on a wooden floor 11.1.05 • Happy birthday to smog. Now where's my cake? 10.16.05 • I got nothing 10.4.05 • free within my own doom 9.25.05 • A Rambling Essay on Politics and the Bleeding Life Written While Drinking a Six-Pack (Tall) 9.12.05 • (There's Gonna Be A) Showdown 8.31.05 • Well, could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then? 8.28.05 • What has four wheels and flies? 8.21.05 • Don't think twice, it's all right 8.13.05 • My ass is getting cold sitting on this glacier... 8.11.05 • Capital radio 8.11.05 • nobody's fault 7.23.05 • secret santa 7.3.05 • everything we touch turns to rust 6.21.05 • on the edge of seventeen 6.13.05 • life at 300 baud 6.9.05 • 12 steps away from the screen, running 6.5.05 • shake a leg 6.5.05 • san pedro anarchy press, Inc. 5.22.05 • Z is for zealot 5.20.05 • Lenny Bruce was right 5.16.05 • bad meat in the can 5.12.05 • it's in the water 5.12.05 • you tell me 5.10.05 • what matters most is how well you're lit 5.5.05 • just keep pulling the handle, it'll all be over soon 5.3.05 • rust never sleeps 4.24.05 • randomness, chaos and deliverance 4.21.05 • baby was a black sheep, baby was a whore 4.20.05 • Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream? 4.16.05 • roses are red, violets are blue, i thought my hell had ended, but the devil is a crafty bastard with a sick sense of humor and a mean streak a mile wide 4.14.05 • rock the cash bar 4.12.05 • many rivers to cross 4.10.05 • imitation is the sincerest form of unoriginality 4.8.05 • if you are the big tree, we are the small axe! 4.8.05 • give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine 4.4.05 • and who the hell figured QWERTY was a good idea? 4.4.05 • your pope was nothing compared to this guy! 4.3.05 • you've got a TV...i've got a TV...we've all got TV's... 3.29.05 • hitler painted roses 3.26.05 • counselor 3.25.05 • she's still here, damn it! 3.21.05 • patience is a virtue, but resignation is for suckers. 3.13.05 • should have taken mom up on those violin lessons... 3.9.05 • last night a dj saved my life! yeah, maaaaan! 3.9.05 • if i had a hammer... 3.8.05 • caveman re-invents the wheel! film at 11. 3.7.05 • he's mad as hell, and he's not going to take it anymore! 3.4.05 • this is a public service announcement - with guitar! 3.2.05 • battlefield girth 2.28.05 • never give a media giant an even break 2.25.05 • 10 Things I've done that you haven't 2.24.05 • come back, bastard! 2.23.05 • hey, just because he likes Judy Garland records and the Tony awards doesn't necessarily mean anything... 2.23.05 • "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." 2.21.05 • I couldn't say it if it wasn't true 2.17.05 • The demons begged Jesus, "If you drive us out, send us into the herd of pigs." 2.11.05 • how to lose 10 pounds in five minutes! 2.6.05 • earth to smog, earth to smog 2.5.05 • my own private chernobyl... 2.2.05 • Estoy solo, pero siento que tu estas conmigo. 1.26.05 • confessions of an obsessive freak of nature 1.5.05 • death wants more death 12.30.04 • every mikkle make a muckle (ask a Jamaican what it means) 12.17.04 • things that don't suck 12.15.04 • what's it all about, mjp? 11.11.04 • old dog, new tricks 9.2.04 • if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all 8.15.04 • Frida Kahlo, Charles Bukowski and Joel-Peter Witkin have left the building 2.13.03 • R.I.P. smog.net 5.19.04 • almost cut my hair...it happened just the other day 4.23.04 • and we're back! 4.22.04 • one cocoa full a basket 2.14.04 • let's get ready to rumble 1.24.04 • brace yourself for a shitstorm 1.6.04 • it's my party, i'll o.d. if i want to 12.6.03 • pimp-a-licious 11.27.03 • on a clear day you can see the 18th century 11.9.03 • men are from mars, women are from vegas 10.14.03 • hit and run walker 10.6.03 • It's all cow, after all 10.2.03 • Johnny Cash is dead, Tower records is bankrupt, gawd save the fucking Queen. 9.13.03 • any history of mental illness? 9.10.03 • boggle: to hesitate as if in fear or doubt. 9.6.03 • pass the aspirin 8.27.03 • this is what i get for leaving the house 7.21.03 • safety in numbers 7.13.03 • god damn 7.11.03 • a million and one stupid things... 6.6.03 • praise Jeebus! 5.23.03 • Kennedy to John Lydon; "Oh, lighten up!" 5.20.03 • they say the French are cowards and assholes... 5.2.03 • I couldn't possibly be *that* fat! 4.19.03 • what's so funny 'bout peace love and understanding? 3.22.03 • this skunk's for you 3.12.03 • Monday's coming like a jail on wheels 2.24.03 • linux, linus, lomax, duck! 2.20.03 • FREE MICHAEL JACKSON! 2.18.03 • the weather in Los Angeles is cloudy 2.13.03 ©1995-2008 mjp | Grab the closet case by the horns Saturday, August 11th 2007, 1:07am Hey, where you been? Me, I've been working on an office move for the company I work for. It's been kind of a massive project and it's not finished yet, even though we actually moved all our shit over almost two weeks ago. Still a lot of loose ends to tie up, and it's been taking every second of every day to deal with it. To add insult to injury, Carol and I are leaving San Pedro and moving to a new place near South Pasadena. At least I think we are. We're still waiting for word on the final decision. Renting a place in some parts of that area is like applying for security clearance from the fucking CIA. Anyway, I wanted to check in here to say something very important: If you have those metal "balls" hanging from the trailer hitch of your truck, you are a mentally deficient, drooling, Neanderthal tool, who thinks Tom Leykis is interesting and relevant and Coors light is beer. You should apply for some sort of government assistance, to help you heal your profoundly damaged brain. Seriously. I mean, you must really love balls, if you know what I mean. Are you serious with those things? And as if the world need more proof that wikipedia is an utter, overwhelmingly useless pile of rotting rat guts, here it is. Enjoy. on Saturday, August 11th 2007 at 9:18am, shanejones said: i think the people who sport truck balls like to hang out with the dudes that sell speakers out of there van and drink coors light. on Saturday, August 11th 2007 at 4:22pm, somone in need of bismuth said: that is one of the most totally disgusting things i've ever seen. only in america. fucking sicko. on Sunday, August 12th 2007 at 4:31am, Hillbilly Jones said: Jimmy Hoy, Guy King, and the Eastworth brothers, Bill and Frank, they probably all have truck balls hanging from piece of shit trucks that spit and backfire as they scope out neighborhoods in the daytime for riding lawnmowers and anything else they can come back and steal at night. They used to come into the bar and were usually my first customers at three o’clock in the afternoon. When I asked them what they had been doing all day they said, “Working!” That’s what they did. They stole shit and sold it. It was a very tax efficient strategy too. They might even have truck balls hanging from a blue 1963 Valient with push button gears and tiny tires, with empty ½ pint bottles of Jim Beam in the floor. Jimmy Hoy’s sixth, eighth, and eleventh wife, Teresa, looked pretty good with my balls slapping against her ass way back in the 80s. She had a great boob job. We referred to her as “Perky Teresa.” She was parital towards felons with a pocket full of cash. And she kissed real, real good. As for Guy King’s woman, I wouldn’t fuck her with your dick although one drunken night in 1986 I fucked her with my dick, which brings me back to balls. thatsnutz dot com has a nice selection, ranging from chrome balls to various colors of balls, including pink, and a pair of bumper nuts called Breaknutz that light up when you hit the break. A free market is the best castration process in the world. The market will decide if truck balls are worthy, and they most likely will go to the same graveyard with pet rocks, singing fish, and electric houseshoes. When Coors Light came out it was a big deal. In other words, they had a great marketing plan when they introduced it. And Coors Light tasted great for a while, until the marketing wore off. on Sunday, December 2nd 2007 at 5:05am, ben fox said: hey man, good to see that yuo are still around. Take it easy on the wiki, it is only as good as the searcher. Have common sense and take everything with a grain of shit and you should be all right using it. When are you going to make smog a big deal agian? I miss stewert and poking him with a stick through the cage. on Thursday, December 13th 2007 at 1:41am, Hillbilly Jones said: A society that values equality over freedom ends up with neither. Merry F. Christmas everybody. on Thursday, December 13th 2007 at 9:51pm, damian said: A society that values Quality is Job #1 over freedom fries ends up with ether. Fuck Christmas Fuck "God" Fuck You Fuck Me the revolution starts now. on Friday, December 21st 2007 at 11:31pm, Hillbilly Jones said: First of all, ETHER is a colorless volatile highly inflammable liquid formerly used as an inhalation anesthetic. Secondly, that's a great poem you wrote. Well, not great but good. Like I said, a society that values equality over freedom ends up with neither. My heart used to bleed with the hearts of liberals too, and still does, but I know that a world government is not the answer. And universal healthcare is just plain mental illness. Actually, it’s all about redistributing wealth, but I digress. You'll call your government appointed doctor. He'll say, SURE COME ON IN. I HAVE AN OPENING IN 9 MONTHS. And you'll say BUT DOC, I THINK I HAVE CANCER, and he'll say, OH OK, THEN I CAN SQUEEZE YOU IN 6 MONTHS FROM NOW AND THE GOOD NEWS IS IF YOU DO HAVE CANCER AND YOU NEED TREATMENT I THINK I CAN PROBABLY START YOUR TREATMENT WITHIN 4 MONTHS AFTER THAT. HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER I AM DOCTOR 375FUK41U25 AND I CERTAINLY APPRECIATE YOUR SICKNESS. Believe me, I wish that taxing the rich twice what they currently pay would pay for all of the pipe dreams that Hillary and those other control freaks talk about. Do the math. I say start the revolution too. Let free markets do their thing. If you’re holding up the rear, then I certainly understand why you would want Uncle Sam to tuck you in at night and tell you a story about Jack and Beanstalk, or maybe Gulliver or Cinderella, you know, anything that ends with AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER. Your poem is good. ***the crowd applauds, just like at a NASCAR race after Christina Aguilera sings the national anthem I gots to get now. You know how us hillbillys are, doncha, I know u du. on Saturday, December 22nd 2007 at 8:53am, damian said: well, i'm canadian, and universal healthcare has worked pretty fucking okey dokey up here these last however many decades. on Sunday, December 23rd 2007 at 7:33pm, mjp said: How dare you confuse that idiotic cocksucker with your facts and personal experience! on Friday, December 28th 2007 at 11:03am, damian said: ha. yeah, i've had about as much free-market tubthumping as i can take. i rue the day capitalism convinced these fuckers that profit should matter more than looking after your fellow man. smog.blog powered by buddy V2.0 |