smog.net

recent comments

mjp said: I'm, uh, working on it. Right now. ~ Fly me to the moon, then blow that shit up!

shane said: michael phillips,you are a fuckin madman,post yer next story... ~ Fly me to the moon, then blow that shit up!

mjp said: Yes, that is a potential problem for people in 10,001. I often worry about... ~ Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this...

damian said: indeed. ~ Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this...

Scott h Florance said: The Christians believe Jesus Christ tis immortal and he lives forever. It is... ~ Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this...

mjp said: Isn't there a NASCAR or gun or fishing or tabakky-chewing site you can go... ~ I can see for miles, but it's kind of blurry up ahead

Andrew Olin Jones said: Hillbilly said you might turn off the smog but I don't want you to do that... ~ I can see for miles, but it's kind of blurry up ahead

mjp said: My childhood box? I don't think anyone wants to open that... ~ Fly me to the moon, then blow that shit up!

previous ramblings

• I can see for miles, but it's kind of blurry up ahead 2.18.08

• Simple is as simple does 1.31.08

• I feel the earthworms under my feet 1.22.08

• New boots and panties 1.19.08

• I haven't given up, I've just stopped trying 12.25.07

• I don't pray. Kneeling bags my nylons. 12.20.07

• So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night 9.19.07

• Grab the closet case by the horns 8.11.07

• Blogged down in the forum of my youth 5.23.07

• Hotter than July 5.16.07

• 26 Miles Across the Deep Blue Sea 5.11.07

• A rose by any other name, still doesn't smell so good 4.6.07

• Children of a lesser dog from hell 2.22.07

• Squid lights 1.9.07

• Cats and dogs 12.19.06

• Mission accomplished! 11.22.06

• Various tidbits of marginal interest to anyone 11.9.06

• Buddy, can you spare a town? 10.16.06

• A garbage can is somewhat precise. 10.6.06

• Another cantankerous rant - surprise! 9.25.06

• Hey, where you been? 9.1.06

• Geeeeeeee mail, @smog.net 7.27.06

• Oh good lord, it's a kid's show 7.22.06

• Sleeping dogs 6.28.06

• Dumb and dumber 6.21.06

• HDTV for $150! 5.16.06

• Thank you for calling the White House. My name is Krishna, how may I be providing you excellent service today? 4.28.06

• Decades and bits of centuries 4.24.06

• Secret Society 3.22.06

• Sometimes I don't speak right, but yet I know what I'm talking about 3.20.06

• This is the modern world 3.15.06

• Shakespeare never did this 2.18.06

• Who is Lonnie Tolliver, and why should you care? 1.27.06

• Scuttlebutt and innuendo 1.16.06

• Beware the fury of a patient man 1.6.06

• I feel 100 pounds lighter already... 12.30.05

• Dude! Your wiki is showing... 12.20.05

• Yeti spotted, film at 11! 12.19.05

• "God is a concept by which we measure our pain." 12.9.05

• Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this... 12.8.05

• Hey, what's with the torn up clothes, and didn't you have a shag haircut last week? 12.5.05

• Shameless self-promotion or a desperate cry for love? You decide. 11.18.05

• Further proof that drinking will kill you 11.6.05

• Big Apple dreamin' on a wooden floor 11.1.05

• Happy birthday to smog. Now where's my cake? 10.16.05

• I got nothing 10.4.05

• free within my own doom 9.25.05

• A Rambling Essay on Politics and the Bleeding Life Written While Drinking a Six-Pack (Tall) 9.12.05

• (There's Gonna Be A) Showdown 8.31.05

• Well, could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then? 8.28.05

• What has four wheels and flies? 8.21.05

• Don't think twice, it's all right 8.13.05

• My ass is getting cold sitting on this glacier... 8.11.05

• Capital radio 8.11.05

• nobody's fault 7.23.05

• secret santa 7.3.05

• everything we touch turns to rust 6.21.05

• on the edge of seventeen 6.13.05

• life at 300 baud 6.9.05

• 12 steps away from the screen, running 6.5.05

• shake a leg 6.5.05

• san pedro anarchy press, Inc. 5.22.05

• Z is for zealot 5.20.05

• Lenny Bruce was right 5.16.05

• bad meat in the can 5.12.05

• it's in the water 5.12.05

• you tell me 5.10.05

• what matters most is how well you're lit 5.5.05

• just keep pulling the handle, it'll all be over soon 5.3.05

• rust never sleeps 4.24.05

• randomness, chaos and deliverance 4.21.05

• baby was a black sheep, baby was a whore 4.20.05

• Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream? 4.16.05

• roses are red, violets are blue, i thought my hell had ended, but the devil is a crafty bastard with a sick sense of humor and a mean streak a mile wide 4.14.05

• rock the cash bar 4.12.05

• many rivers to cross 4.10.05

• imitation is the sincerest form of unoriginality 4.8.05

• if you are the big tree, we are the small axe! 4.8.05

• give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine 4.4.05

• and who the hell figured QWERTY was a good idea? 4.4.05

• your pope was nothing compared to this guy! 4.3.05

• you've got a TV...i've got a TV...we've all got TV's... 3.29.05

• hitler painted roses 3.26.05

• counselor 3.25.05

• she's still here, damn it! 3.21.05

• patience is a virtue, but resignation is for suckers. 3.13.05

• should have taken mom up on those violin lessons... 3.9.05

• last night a dj saved my life! yeah, maaaaan! 3.9.05

• if i had a hammer... 3.8.05

• caveman re-invents the wheel! film at 11. 3.7.05

• he's mad as hell, and he's not going to take it anymore! 3.4.05

• this is a public service announcement - with guitar! 3.2.05

• battlefield girth 2.28.05

• never give a media giant an even break 2.25.05

• 10 Things I've done that you haven't 2.24.05

• come back, bastard! 2.23.05

• hey, just because he likes Judy Garland records and the Tony awards doesn't necessarily mean anything... 2.23.05

• "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." 2.21.05

• I couldn't say it if it wasn't true 2.17.05

• The demons begged Jesus, "If you drive us out, send us into the herd of pigs." 2.11.05

• how to lose 10 pounds in five minutes! 2.6.05

• earth to smog, earth to smog 2.5.05

• my own private chernobyl... 2.2.05

• Estoy solo, pero siento que tu estas conmigo. 1.26.05

• confessions of an obsessive freak of nature 1.5.05

• death wants more death 12.30.04

• every mikkle make a muckle (ask a Jamaican what it means) 12.17.04

• things that don't suck 12.15.04

• what's it all about, mjp? 11.11.04

• old dog, new tricks 9.2.04

• if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all 8.15.04

• Frida Kahlo, Charles Bukowski and Joel-Peter Witkin have left the building 2.13.03

• R.I.P. smog.net 5.19.04

• almost cut my hair...it happened just the other day 4.23.04

• and we're back! 4.22.04

• one cocoa full a basket 2.14.04

• let's get ready to rumble 1.24.04

• brace yourself for a shitstorm 1.6.04

• it's my party, i'll o.d. if i want to 12.6.03

• pimp-a-licious 11.27.03

• on a clear day you can see the 18th century 11.9.03

• men are from mars, women are from vegas 10.14.03

• hit and run walker 10.6.03

• It's all cow, after all 10.2.03

• Johnny Cash is dead, Tower records is bankrupt, gawd save the fucking Queen. 9.13.03

• any history of mental illness? 9.10.03

• boggle: to hesitate as if in fear or doubt. 9.6.03

• pass the aspirin 8.27.03

• this is what i get for leaving the house 7.21.03

• safety in numbers 7.13.03

• god damn 7.11.03

• a million and one stupid things... 6.6.03

• praise Jeebus! 5.23.03

• Kennedy to John Lydon; "Oh, lighten up!" 5.20.03

• they say the French are cowards and assholes... 5.2.03

• I couldn't possibly be *that* fat! 4.19.03

• what's so funny 'bout peace love and understanding? 3.22.03

• this skunk's for you 3.12.03

• Monday's coming like a jail on wheels 2.24.03

• linux, linus, lomax, duck! 2.20.03

• FREE MICHAEL JACKSON! 2.18.03

• the weather in Los Angeles is cloudy 2.13.03

©1995-2008 mjp

Blogged down in the forum of my youth
Wednesday, May 23rd 2007, 12:04am

We started a blog at datapimp.

Why? Ahhh, well, if I had a good answer for that I would have 10 minutes of spare time, wouldn't I?

Okay, the answer is simple. A few other web hosts all started blogs on the same day, and I was talking to Tom and we thought it would be funny to start what is more or less a parody of web hosting company blogs. Though I suppose some real, actual stuff will work it's way in there eventually.

But for now it's just idiocy and goofing, and that may be why I love it (and datapimp in general) so much.

If you're keeping score at home, that makes 139 blogs and 482 forums I have to keep track of. Not bad, not bad.

on Wednesday, May 23rd 2007 at 8:37am, Tom said:
Parody? What parody? That's really what datapimp is behind the scenes.

on Wednesday, May 23rd 2007 at 11:10am, mjp said:
Shhhh...

on Friday, June 8th 2007 at 3:11pm, JJ said:
Too late, the cats out of the bag now. :D

on Friday, June 22nd 2007 at 9:15am, Renay said:
this mad dog I know, wait, no, it's an Englishman I know, is going to be in Los A. over the summer and asked about poets there. of course, that brought you to mind and I got nosy. this is the first thing I saw and it was put here ON MY BIRTHDAY. sometimes the universe just gives you a sign. WHAT? I have to go read the rest of your entries while my kid eats. oh yeah, I had a kid. welcome to the fourth decade of my life. there is no domestic partner law in Oregon so I also had to marry RStJ or live in poverty trying to deliver said kid without insurance. datapimp? blogs? you mean I'm not on topic? what the fuck? it's NOT all about me? shit. this update was brought to you by my right hand and left boob. I'm going to go find my paypal password so I can buy your book now.

on Saturday, June 23rd 2007 at 1:40am, mjp said:
Well, happy birthday! Looky how things change. Congratulations. I think your now husband had a site at the host where I worked. PowWeb (may it rot in peace). I may have seen some complaints from him. Never satisfied, that one.

Glad you checked in, and glad you're still you.

on Sunday, June 24th 2007 at 11:49am, Hillbilly Jones said:

I thought the datapimp site was pretty funny. Not beautifully funny, just pretty. But that�s still funny. With a grading curve, I�d give it a solid C+ or maybe even a B-, which is still good. It was bit busy.

Is Renay being a sarcastic little thAng? Do you really know her hubby? Does she blow? Or, oh god, does he?

My fine looking bride, Mrs. Jones, with her sexy butt and eyes and hands and feet and ears and everything about her is sexy�well, she wants to know this: Are you strictly into that punk music stuff you�re always talkin� about; or do also like 70s bands, like, uhmmmm, specifically, Earth, Wind & Fire?

She�s asking because we saw them a few days ago in Fayetteville, Arkansas (Woo! Pig! Sooie!) and we�re going to see them again in Louisville in August.

They are old black men with grey hair and shiny white suits who can still boogie with tiny beads of sweating rolling down their faces like bowling balls with Parkinsons Disease.

on Friday, July 6th 2007 at 1:01am, mjp said:
Your post was somewhat funny. Not exceedingly funny or especially funny. If we're grading on a curve, I'd give it a D. But I don't know what grading on a curve means, really, I just give it a D or a D-. It could be an F if I knew what a grading curve was.

on Sunday, July 8th 2007 at 4:44pm, Hillbilly Jones said:

I give my post an F since you apparently didn't understand its only purpose was to ask if you also liked bands like Earth, Wind, and Fire.

When I write, I write quickly and whatever my fingers type, well, that's what ends up in print. That's the bad news. So a failing grade is what I give my own post.

So what is THE BEST OF PUNK, for an old hillbilly like me, who wants to give all types of music a chance?

It's got to be better than rap.

on Monday, July 9th 2007 at 11:33pm, mjp said:
The best of punk? Oh, I don't know. What's the best river, or the best breeze?

The first punk records just sound dated now. Go buy the Clash albums London Calling and Sandinista. Two masterpieces.

And buy them, you cheap prick, don't go torrent them somewhere.

on Friday, July 13th 2007 at 2:50am, Hillbilly Jones said:

Hillbilly will not torrent them if you will use a corn cob to wipe your butt and drink unpurified water and not use antibiotics when you get a staff infection.

Thanks for the recommendations though. I will the two masterpieces out.

The best river is the White River, full of trout so big you could feed your yap and two friends.

The best breeze crosses the tops of the Appalachians about 5:14 a.m. as a herd of elk graze as a few take a crap and look around when they hear a mosquito's tummy roll.

So why did ya wanna know what the best river and breeze were? Thanks for asking!

Wooooooooooooo!
Pig!
Sooie!

on Monday, April 7th 2008 at 8:55pm, An anonymous coward said:
Sandinista could possibly be the most misunderstood and underrated albums ever.
ever, I says.
it's a big sloppy masterpiece, like a philly cheesesteak. sorry, that's all I could think of.

on Monday, April 7th 2008 at 8:56pm, hoochmonkey9 said:
I forgot to put my name in the last post. I'm the anonymous coward.
have you been talking to my wife?