| recent comments mjp said: I'm, uh, working on it. Right now. ~ Fly me to the moon, then blow that shit up! shane said: michael phillips,you are a fuckin madman,post yer next story... ~ Fly me to the moon, then blow that shit up! mjp said: Yes, that is a potential problem for people in 10,001. I often worry about... ~ Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this... damian said: indeed. ~ Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this... Scott h Florance said: The Christians believe Jesus Christ tis immortal and he lives forever. It is... ~ Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this... mjp said: Isn't there a NASCAR or gun or fishing or tabakky-chewing site you can go... ~ I can see for miles, but it's kind of blurry up ahead Andrew Olin Jones said: Hillbilly said you might turn off the smog but I don't want you to do that... ~ I can see for miles, but it's kind of blurry up ahead mjp said: My childhood box? I don't think anyone wants to open that... ~ Fly me to the moon, then blow that shit up!   previous ramblings • I can see for miles, but it's kind of blurry up ahead 2.18.08 • Simple is as simple does 1.31.08 • I feel the earthworms under my feet 1.22.08 • New boots and panties 1.19.08 • I haven't given up, I've just stopped trying 12.25.07 • I don't pray. Kneeling bags my nylons. 12.20.07 • So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night 9.19.07 • Grab the closet case by the horns 8.11.07 • Blogged down in the forum of my youth 5.23.07 • Hotter than July 5.16.07 • 26 Miles Across the Deep Blue Sea 5.11.07 • A rose by any other name, still doesn't smell so good 4.6.07 • Children of a lesser dog from hell 2.22.07 • Squid lights 1.9.07 • Cats and dogs 12.19.06 • Mission accomplished! 11.22.06 • Various tidbits of marginal interest to anyone 11.9.06 • Buddy, can you spare a town? 10.16.06 • A garbage can is somewhat precise. 10.6.06 • Another cantankerous rant - surprise! 9.25.06 • Hey, where you been? 9.1.06 • Geeeeeeee mail, @smog.net 7.27.06 • Oh good lord, it's a kid's show 7.22.06 • Sleeping dogs 6.28.06 • Dumb and dumber 6.21.06 • HDTV for $150! 5.16.06 • Thank you for calling the White House. My name is Krishna, how may I be providing you excellent service today? 4.28.06 • Decades and bits of centuries 4.24.06 • Secret Society 3.22.06 • Sometimes I don't speak right, but yet I know what I'm talking about 3.20.06 • This is the modern world 3.15.06 • Shakespeare never did this 2.18.06 • Who is Lonnie Tolliver, and why should you care? 1.27.06 • Scuttlebutt and innuendo 1.16.06 • Beware the fury of a patient man 1.6.06 • I feel 100 pounds lighter already... 12.30.05 • Dude! Your wiki is showing... 12.20.05 • Yeti spotted, film at 11! 12.19.05 • "God is a concept by which we measure our pain." 12.9.05 • Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this... 12.8.05 • Hey, what's with the torn up clothes, and didn't you have a shag haircut last week? 12.5.05 • Shameless self-promotion or a desperate cry for love? You decide. 11.18.05 • Further proof that drinking will kill you 11.6.05 • Big Apple dreamin' on a wooden floor 11.1.05 • Happy birthday to smog. Now where's my cake? 10.16.05 • I got nothing 10.4.05 • free within my own doom 9.25.05 • A Rambling Essay on Politics and the Bleeding Life Written While Drinking a Six-Pack (Tall) 9.12.05 • (There's Gonna Be A) Showdown 8.31.05 • Well, could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then? 8.28.05 • What has four wheels and flies? 8.21.05 • Don't think twice, it's all right 8.13.05 • My ass is getting cold sitting on this glacier... 8.11.05 • Capital radio 8.11.05 • nobody's fault 7.23.05 • secret santa 7.3.05 • everything we touch turns to rust 6.21.05 • on the edge of seventeen 6.13.05 • life at 300 baud 6.9.05 • 12 steps away from the screen, running 6.5.05 • shake a leg 6.5.05 • san pedro anarchy press, Inc. 5.22.05 • Z is for zealot 5.20.05 • Lenny Bruce was right 5.16.05 • bad meat in the can 5.12.05 • it's in the water 5.12.05 • you tell me 5.10.05 • what matters most is how well you're lit 5.5.05 • just keep pulling the handle, it'll all be over soon 5.3.05 • rust never sleeps 4.24.05 • randomness, chaos and deliverance 4.21.05 • baby was a black sheep, baby was a whore 4.20.05 • Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream? 4.16.05 • roses are red, violets are blue, i thought my hell had ended, but the devil is a crafty bastard with a sick sense of humor and a mean streak a mile wide 4.14.05 • rock the cash bar 4.12.05 • many rivers to cross 4.10.05 • imitation is the sincerest form of unoriginality 4.8.05 • if you are the big tree, we are the small axe! 4.8.05 • give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine 4.4.05 • and who the hell figured QWERTY was a good idea? 4.4.05 • your pope was nothing compared to this guy! 4.3.05 • you've got a TV...i've got a TV...we've all got TV's... 3.29.05 • hitler painted roses 3.26.05 • counselor 3.25.05 • she's still here, damn it! 3.21.05 • patience is a virtue, but resignation is for suckers. 3.13.05 • should have taken mom up on those violin lessons... 3.9.05 • last night a dj saved my life! yeah, maaaaan! 3.9.05 • if i had a hammer... 3.8.05 • caveman re-invents the wheel! film at 11. 3.7.05 • he's mad as hell, and he's not going to take it anymore! 3.4.05 • this is a public service announcement - with guitar! 3.2.05 • battlefield girth 2.28.05 • never give a media giant an even break 2.25.05 • 10 Things I've done that you haven't 2.24.05 • come back, bastard! 2.23.05 • hey, just because he likes Judy Garland records and the Tony awards doesn't necessarily mean anything... 2.23.05 • "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." 2.21.05 • I couldn't say it if it wasn't true 2.17.05 • The demons begged Jesus, "If you drive us out, send us into the herd of pigs." 2.11.05 • how to lose 10 pounds in five minutes! 2.6.05 • earth to smog, earth to smog 2.5.05 • my own private chernobyl... 2.2.05 • Estoy solo, pero siento que tu estas conmigo. 1.26.05 • confessions of an obsessive freak of nature 1.5.05 • death wants more death 12.30.04 • every mikkle make a muckle (ask a Jamaican what it means) 12.17.04 • things that don't suck 12.15.04 • what's it all about, mjp? 11.11.04 • old dog, new tricks 9.2.04 • if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all 8.15.04 • Frida Kahlo, Charles Bukowski and Joel-Peter Witkin have left the building 2.13.03 • R.I.P. smog.net 5.19.04 • almost cut my hair...it happened just the other day 4.23.04 • and we're back! 4.22.04 • one cocoa full a basket 2.14.04 • let's get ready to rumble 1.24.04 • brace yourself for a shitstorm 1.6.04 • it's my party, i'll o.d. if i want to 12.6.03 • pimp-a-licious 11.27.03 • on a clear day you can see the 18th century 11.9.03 • men are from mars, women are from vegas 10.14.03 • hit and run walker 10.6.03 • It's all cow, after all 10.2.03 • Johnny Cash is dead, Tower records is bankrupt, gawd save the fucking Queen. 9.13.03 • any history of mental illness? 9.10.03 • boggle: to hesitate as if in fear or doubt. 9.6.03 • pass the aspirin 8.27.03 • this is what i get for leaving the house 7.21.03 • safety in numbers 7.13.03 • god damn 7.11.03 • a million and one stupid things... 6.6.03 • praise Jeebus! 5.23.03 • Kennedy to John Lydon; "Oh, lighten up!" 5.20.03 • they say the French are cowards and assholes... 5.2.03 • I couldn't possibly be *that* fat! 4.19.03 • what's so funny 'bout peace love and understanding? 3.22.03 • this skunk's for you 3.12.03 • Monday's coming like a jail on wheels 2.24.03 • linux, linus, lomax, duck! 2.20.03 • FREE MICHAEL JACKSON! 2.18.03 • the weather in Los Angeles is cloudy 2.13.03 ©1995-2008 mjp | A rose by any other name, still doesn't smell so good Friday, April 6th 2007, 3:41pm Every day I am charmed and enchanted by the thousands of names I see spray painted on every blank space along the Los Angeles freeways, but recently one in particular has caught my eye. Heading north on the 110 freeway you can see it on the 405 overpass: KUNTNESTFLAKE. I'm not sure what a Kuntnestflake is - I assume it's three names written as one. As poetry it is undeniable - KUNTNESTFLAKE - so rich and meaningful. But as names, I don't know, I am puzzled. "Good morning Flake, have you seen Nest or Kunt? Tell them I said hello!" Those aren't very tough or impressive handles, you've got to admit. I'm worried about the slump in creativity the younger generation seems to be suffering. By the way, can we make it legal to shoot the kids who spray paint their aliases all over town? You may think I'm overreacting, I've lost my mind, or have no sympathy for the downtrodden in our society. Not so. I'm not proposing that we kill them, just shoot them. Maybe a .22 slug in an ass cheek, or a wrist, you know, to send a message of strong disapproval. I'm not talking about the 20 foot high, multi-colored almost-aren't-so-bad names that cover most of the walls around the 405 from South of LAX up through Venice. I'm talking about the little paint and run initials and KUNTNESTFLAKES that cover the entire city. Those kids, I want to shoot. Well, I don't want to shoot them, but I want someone to shoot them. Cops like to shoot at things, maybe they could do it. --- About an hour ago at the intersection of Foothill and Rosemead in Pasadena I saw a woman walking across the street carrying a big plastic drink cup, and she just flung it down in the street, ice and whatever was left in it splattering the crosswalk. She let that cup go just like a dog shitting wherever it gets the urge, not giving it a second thought. Whoever shoots the spray paint kids, can you please shoot her too? Thanks. Happy Good Friday! on Monday, April 9th 2007 at 5:42pm, damian said: i've never actually witnessed anyone littering up here in beautiful Toronto, but if i did i'd take justice into my own hands. whatr incredible balls it would take to just drop whatever you're holding...in fact, i might actually be dumbstuck if i ever saw it. it boggles the mind. on Monday, April 9th 2007 at 6:23pm, mjp said: I have to admit that I've never seen anything quite like it. on Tuesday, April 10th 2007 at 12:30pm, damian said: where's hillbilly to tell us that litter and graffiti are the products of a free market and are, therefore, better than the alternative...? on Wednesday, April 11th 2007 at 1:15am, mjp said: Ha ha - yeah, "don't put down graffiti and litter until you have something better to replace them!" on Saturday, April 14th 2007 at 11:29pm, Hillbilly Jones said: OK, that actually made me laugh out loud. But now that you mention it, graffiti and litter are two things that I think about, and discuss, at least a few times per year. I love city graffiti, especially when viewed from a train because a local metro train takes you deep into the bowels of the slums where I’d never venture alone or with twenty body guards. Some of that shit is in 3-D now. Little Rock has some fairly good artists. Cleveland is fantastic even though it’s safe to party in downtown again. And Cincy is damned good too. Louisville is OK but is really a minor league graffiti town. Chicago and E. St. Louis is near the top of the best, along with NYC and Philly. Of course, I don’t have to live with it and I don’t know whether the allegations that it brings crime with it are true. So maybe if I was big time city slicker the way you Boys are, I might dislike it too. And litter. I’m against littering. I wait until I get home or I pull into a convenience store and throw my car trash out. I never litter except for times I do, like two Thursdays ago. The Mrs. and I were staying at The Peabody, in Memphis, a little place with ducks and mints on your pillow that we splurge on every now and then. It’s a one-cigarette walk from B.B. Kings. We wanted to dance at B.B. King’s on Friday and Saturday night, shop during the day, and eat ribs and deep-fried peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. The only way we can eat that way is by ordering one and splitting it. We even do that at home, but that’s another matter. I sneezed when we walked out of RBC and grabbed the napkin just in time. We had stopped at RBC for drinks before dinner and started talking with a delightful couple from Orlando that had come to see Graceland, which by the way, is a worthy thing to do if you like carpeted walls. They said living in Orlando was like the life of being a cake. It always feels like you’re living in an oven. So they came to Memphis for some down time under 350 degrees. So as the four of us walked out of Rum Boogie, my Mrs. Jones was walking and chatting with our new friend, Ben, an accountant who specializes in international accounting. The men were walking on the outside with the women, side by side in the middle. I was chit chatting with Karen, a blonde, stay at home mom, with bright blue eyes that surprisingly—especially for her age, which appeared to be late 40s—still possessed a brightness that only came when one had not yet lost their dreams. Lucky bitch. Anyway, I grabbed the napkin out of my pocket and turned around nonchalantly—cooler than Elvis—sneezed, wadded the napkin up in my left hand and smoothly turned back to my right and continued talking, all as though it was written in this script of life. I muffled my sneeze but it blew out a ton of goop, a slab the size of a green silver dollar. We turned to our right and walked up Beale Street. I turned my head to the side to see if anybody was close behind us and let the napkin slip silently from my hand onto the sidewalk. And the first thing I did at BB’s was wash my hands. So, if you think I should be shot with a .22, bring that little thAng on over, boys. Hell, we pick our teeth up here in these hills with .357 magnums and old Colt .38 Super Automatics from the old days of bootleggers and gangsters. My great grandfather was a bootlegger and loaned money to farmers in Sharp County, Arkansas, at the same rate year after year, ten percent. I’ve got his old Colt that can penetrate a car door. His graffiti was done with a pocket knife so far deep into the Arkansas woods you can hear a fish fart from a mile away. And lastly, we have to have laws for some things, like littering. But don’t make the small business owner pay for a trash can every 50 feet along the sidewalk just because some dick head, as I was in Memphis, can’t wait until they get home to throw away a Value Meal box. Be careful what you wish for. :) on Sunday, April 15th 2007 at 12:50pm, An anonymous coward said: ...don’t make the small business owner pay for a trash can every 50 feet along the sidewalk... Fuck the small businessman in the ass with a .357 Magnum! WalMart rules! on Sunday, April 15th 2007 at 2:12pm, Hillbilly Jones said: That is only funny because you don't even know what you just said. Hell, son, the kick from firing a .357 would make you cry for your mama's titty and buy one of those little cardboard Jesus things that make your truck smells like pine cones. And then, your butt would be so tight you couldn't shove a banana up it, even if you used your thumb to put in a little bit at a time, mashed up like your brain. smog.blog powered by buddy V2.0 |