| recent comments mjp said: I'm, uh, working on it. Right now. ~ Fly me to the moon, then blow that shit up! shane said: michael phillips,you are a fuckin madman,post yer next story... ~ Fly me to the moon, then blow that shit up! mjp said: Yes, that is a potential problem for people in 10,001. I often worry about... ~ Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this... damian said: indeed. ~ Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this... Scott h Florance said: The Christians believe Jesus Christ tis immortal and he lives forever. It is... ~ Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this... mjp said: Isn't there a NASCAR or gun or fishing or tabakky-chewing site you can go... ~ I can see for miles, but it's kind of blurry up ahead Andrew Olin Jones said: Hillbilly said you might turn off the smog but I don't want you to do that... ~ I can see for miles, but it's kind of blurry up ahead mjp said: My childhood box? I don't think anyone wants to open that... ~ Fly me to the moon, then blow that shit up!   previous ramblings • I can see for miles, but it's kind of blurry up ahead 2.18.08 • Simple is as simple does 1.31.08 • I feel the earthworms under my feet 1.22.08 • New boots and panties 1.19.08 • I haven't given up, I've just stopped trying 12.25.07 • I don't pray. Kneeling bags my nylons. 12.20.07 • So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night 9.19.07 • Grab the closet case by the horns 8.11.07 • Blogged down in the forum of my youth 5.23.07 • Hotter than July 5.16.07 • 26 Miles Across the Deep Blue Sea 5.11.07 • A rose by any other name, still doesn't smell so good 4.6.07 • Children of a lesser dog from hell 2.22.07 • Squid lights 1.9.07 • Cats and dogs 12.19.06 • Mission accomplished! 11.22.06 • Various tidbits of marginal interest to anyone 11.9.06 • Buddy, can you spare a town? 10.16.06 • A garbage can is somewhat precise. 10.6.06 • Another cantankerous rant - surprise! 9.25.06 • Hey, where you been? 9.1.06 • Geeeeeeee mail, @smog.net 7.27.06 • Oh good lord, it's a kid's show 7.22.06 • Sleeping dogs 6.28.06 • Dumb and dumber 6.21.06 • HDTV for $150! 5.16.06 • Thank you for calling the White House. My name is Krishna, how may I be providing you excellent service today? 4.28.06 • Decades and bits of centuries 4.24.06 • Secret Society 3.22.06 • Sometimes I don't speak right, but yet I know what I'm talking about 3.20.06 • This is the modern world 3.15.06 • Shakespeare never did this 2.18.06 • Who is Lonnie Tolliver, and why should you care? 1.27.06 • Scuttlebutt and innuendo 1.16.06 • Beware the fury of a patient man 1.6.06 • I feel 100 pounds lighter already... 12.30.05 • Dude! Your wiki is showing... 12.20.05 • Yeti spotted, film at 11! 12.19.05 • "God is a concept by which we measure our pain." 12.9.05 • Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this... 12.8.05 • Hey, what's with the torn up clothes, and didn't you have a shag haircut last week? 12.5.05 • Shameless self-promotion or a desperate cry for love? You decide. 11.18.05 • Further proof that drinking will kill you 11.6.05 • Big Apple dreamin' on a wooden floor 11.1.05 • Happy birthday to smog. Now where's my cake? 10.16.05 • I got nothing 10.4.05 • free within my own doom 9.25.05 • A Rambling Essay on Politics and the Bleeding Life Written While Drinking a Six-Pack (Tall) 9.12.05 • (There's Gonna Be A) Showdown 8.31.05 • Well, could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then? 8.28.05 • What has four wheels and flies? 8.21.05 • Don't think twice, it's all right 8.13.05 • My ass is getting cold sitting on this glacier... 8.11.05 • Capital radio 8.11.05 • nobody's fault 7.23.05 • secret santa 7.3.05 • everything we touch turns to rust 6.21.05 • on the edge of seventeen 6.13.05 • life at 300 baud 6.9.05 • 12 steps away from the screen, running 6.5.05 • shake a leg 6.5.05 • san pedro anarchy press, Inc. 5.22.05 • Z is for zealot 5.20.05 • Lenny Bruce was right 5.16.05 • bad meat in the can 5.12.05 • it's in the water 5.12.05 • you tell me 5.10.05 • what matters most is how well you're lit 5.5.05 • just keep pulling the handle, it'll all be over soon 5.3.05 • rust never sleeps 4.24.05 • randomness, chaos and deliverance 4.21.05 • baby was a black sheep, baby was a whore 4.20.05 • Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream? 4.16.05 • roses are red, violets are blue, i thought my hell had ended, but the devil is a crafty bastard with a sick sense of humor and a mean streak a mile wide 4.14.05 • rock the cash bar 4.12.05 • many rivers to cross 4.10.05 • imitation is the sincerest form of unoriginality 4.8.05 • if you are the big tree, we are the small axe! 4.8.05 • give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine 4.4.05 • and who the hell figured QWERTY was a good idea? 4.4.05 • your pope was nothing compared to this guy! 4.3.05 • you've got a TV...i've got a TV...we've all got TV's... 3.29.05 • hitler painted roses 3.26.05 • counselor 3.25.05 • she's still here, damn it! 3.21.05 • patience is a virtue, but resignation is for suckers. 3.13.05 • should have taken mom up on those violin lessons... 3.9.05 • last night a dj saved my life! yeah, maaaaan! 3.9.05 • if i had a hammer... 3.8.05 • caveman re-invents the wheel! film at 11. 3.7.05 • he's mad as hell, and he's not going to take it anymore! 3.4.05 • this is a public service announcement - with guitar! 3.2.05 • battlefield girth 2.28.05 • never give a media giant an even break 2.25.05 • 10 Things I've done that you haven't 2.24.05 • come back, bastard! 2.23.05 • hey, just because he likes Judy Garland records and the Tony awards doesn't necessarily mean anything... 2.23.05 • "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." 2.21.05 • I couldn't say it if it wasn't true 2.17.05 • The demons begged Jesus, "If you drive us out, send us into the herd of pigs." 2.11.05 • how to lose 10 pounds in five minutes! 2.6.05 • earth to smog, earth to smog 2.5.05 • my own private chernobyl... 2.2.05 • Estoy solo, pero siento que tu estas conmigo. 1.26.05 • confessions of an obsessive freak of nature 1.5.05 • death wants more death 12.30.04 • every mikkle make a muckle (ask a Jamaican what it means) 12.17.04 • things that don't suck 12.15.04 • what's it all about, mjp? 11.11.04 • old dog, new tricks 9.2.04 • if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all 8.15.04 • Frida Kahlo, Charles Bukowski and Joel-Peter Witkin have left the building 2.13.03 • R.I.P. smog.net 5.19.04 • almost cut my hair...it happened just the other day 4.23.04 • and we're back! 4.22.04 • one cocoa full a basket 2.14.04 • let's get ready to rumble 1.24.04 • brace yourself for a shitstorm 1.6.04 • it's my party, i'll o.d. if i want to 12.6.03 • pimp-a-licious 11.27.03 • on a clear day you can see the 18th century 11.9.03 • men are from mars, women are from vegas 10.14.03 • hit and run walker 10.6.03 • It's all cow, after all 10.2.03 • Johnny Cash is dead, Tower records is bankrupt, gawd save the fucking Queen. 9.13.03 • any history of mental illness? 9.10.03 • boggle: to hesitate as if in fear or doubt. 9.6.03 • pass the aspirin 8.27.03 • this is what i get for leaving the house 7.21.03 • safety in numbers 7.13.03 • god damn 7.11.03 • a million and one stupid things... 6.6.03 • praise Jeebus! 5.23.03 • Kennedy to John Lydon; "Oh, lighten up!" 5.20.03 • they say the French are cowards and assholes... 5.2.03 • I couldn't possibly be *that* fat! 4.19.03 • what's so funny 'bout peace love and understanding? 3.22.03 • this skunk's for you 3.12.03 • Monday's coming like a jail on wheels 2.24.03 • linux, linus, lomax, duck! 2.20.03 • FREE MICHAEL JACKSON! 2.18.03 • the weather in Los Angeles is cloudy 2.13.03 ©1995-2008 mjp | Buddy, can you spare a town? Monday, October 16th 2006, 11:03pm  There is a flurry of condo building in downtown San Pedro, and the locals are divided about it. The business and land owners are all for anything new, no matter how wrongheaded, vile or destructive it is, and then there are the non-land and business owners (myself among them) who grimly count down the days until we are nudged out of this beautiful joint by millionaire carpetbaggers and idiots.The builders of these condos call them lofts, but they are not lofts, they are apartments. They are building hundreds of expensive apartments in a downtown area still dominated by wandering drunks, gangsters and crack heads. Which I guess is where this description on the "Vue" web site comes from: It's like Silverlake with an ocean. San Diego's Gaslamp District without the lookie-loos. Long Beach, when you could still afford it. There are hip little bistros, unique shops and enticing entertainment, all within walking distance. Retro buildings and cutting-edge galleries. A farmer's market every Friday, brimming with fresh produce and artisan crafts. Not to mention Bridge to Breakwater, a waterfront project on the horizon, with more shopping, more entertainment and more great places to eat. And you can say you were there from the start. Lucky you.  Yeah, lucky you. The last "cutting edge gallery" closed a couple of months ago, due to the aforementioned gangsters and crack heads. All that's left as far as "enticing entertainment" goes is the same tired stuff that's been downtown for years, and it's not getting any "better."But what is better? I like downtown San Pedro, but I don't spend a lot of time there. I imagine that I'll spend even less time there when the condo goonies move in. Not that I believe for a second that any of them will eat or shop much in Pedro. They will drive out of their underground parking and straight to the 110 freeway North (you can't go South from Pedro, kid). And no one will blame them. It isn't exactly one-stop shopping around here.  But the alternative is even more horrifying and brutal, and that is a bunch of Starbucks/Gap/Cingular stores on every corner with out-of-towners strolling up and down the blocks as if it were Disneyland or Beirut. because anything that will draw in the outside world - which is what the local "haves" want so badly - will drive out everyone who isn't bringing home a paycheck in the low six figures. Which is also, incidentally, what the "haves" very badly want.I'm conflicted because I believe in personal freedom. If you own a downtown lot and want to build a skyscraper for investment bankers and debutantes, that's your business. The thing is, when all the things that are great about San Pedro are gone, none of these fuckers will even care. They won't care because they want to live in a big Universal Citywalk of bright lights and white faces. What I don't get is, if that's what you want, that antiseptic shopping environment, there are plenty of options for you already. Plenty of places to go live and be happy. But if you like what Pedro is/was, the options are dwindling daily. on Tuesday, October 17th 2006 at 6:59pm, s bowman said: Try Detroit, if you want grim and gritty. on Saturday, October 21st 2006 at 12:16pm, mjp said: I've been to Detroit many times. We used to pass through when I was in bands playing the Midwest/Northeast in '80, '81. The first time we were in the Detroit area I kept saying to locals, "Take me downtown, I want to go downtown!" And they all said the same thing, "There is no downtown." I thought they were bullshitting me until someone finally did take me downtown. Absolutely movie-ghost-town empty. One of the creepiest things I've ever seen in America. on Friday, October 27th 2006 at 3:06am, Hillbilly Jones said: Try East St. Louis. It really really really is like in the movie, Vacation. A female cop pulled us over in broad daylight and said WHAT THE FUCK ARE Y'ALL DOING HERE? She then lead us back across the bridge, and as we went our way and she exited to go back across the bridge she shook her head and gave me and the Mrs. the finger. on Friday, October 27th 2006 at 11:51pm, Hillbilly Jones said: The investors who are building the lofts will either make money or not. If someone comes along and makes a better mouse trap--I mean loft--then that's where the money will shift. And if it does, the lofts will turn to ashes or another Starbucks or maybe a nice Italian restaurant, locally owned, with clean crisp cloth napkins. It?s the only proven, time-tested way in this solar system, even without Pluto as a planet. Either the people as a whole can make better decisions than government, or they can?t. Government doesn?t have the best track record, at least not for the last 230 years. Big government is like King Kong standing in front of the Statue of Liberty getting a blow job. And unusual political ideas like that of Jesse Jackson Jr. are just fucking crazy. He wouldn?t let those lofts be built. He wants to change the Constitution to include a ?right of full employment? and a ?right to welfare.? Ding dong, the country is dead. If those lofts don?t help the area their value will decrease to a point that the owners will sell to someone else with a new idea, maybe one that actually adds value to the community. Rinse and repeat. This product should not be used on genitals. on Saturday, October 28th 2006 at 12:53am, Hillbilly Jones said: Old Hill Billy and a few kin folk just watched Gregg Allman interview on INSIDE TRAC with Graham Nash at youtube dot com. He told the story how his brother and he dodged the draft. Mother fucker shot himself in the foot on purpose. I think I'll go throw up now. Jenny Lynn Maddox and her brother, Henry Stallings, watched too. They stopped in before a trip to the Super Wal-Mart, which is about 45 minutes from their place in the holler. Jenny had her dress pulled up high after about her fourth Blue Moon and Henry was about asleep when we started the video. We chit chatted as Jenny noticed me looking up her dress and then about 20 seconds later we had a Basic Instinct moment, but after a few seconds of the video we all got very quiet and listened. Henry?s tongue stuck out a little. Jenny kept the squirrel shots coming. But the way Graham Nash was laughing, Allman was laughing, the fucking audience was laughing; it was like taking a big o?l gulp of sour warm milk when you thought it was going to be fresh and cold. You start swallowing it so fast that you?ve already got a lot down and a full mouth too when you realize what it is. ?That?s a pile of shit,? said Henry. ?It?s a pile of something, darlin?,? said Jenny. ?Like another drink, Jenny?? I asked. ?No hun, we gotta get to the house.? she said, as the show ended and she stood up and hugged me goodbye. She pressed her nipples right up against me and held it for a few long seconds. Made me close my eyes for a moment and think about Pat Nixon. Mmmmm. Years ago, Jenny and I met for drinks in Sharp County one Friday afternoon. She acted very interested in me. Turns out she was ready, willing, and charging $200 per date. Damn. What pissed me off was that she actually thought I?d pay her for a roll in the hay. We kissed and made up, figuratively too; and sometimes steal a few drunk seconds in a spare bedroom at big parties up in Cave City. Jenny?s had five husbands; all were losers who had inherited a wad of dough, enough to make the lunch buffets at all the Pizza Huts in the world, including China. Three drove new model Lexus?, one drove a Corvette, and hubby number five drove a Porsche. And they had all been married too for a total of 20 times between them all. Each marriage was a mess from the week before the weddings. Her perky breasts got her into a lot of trouble. That was back in the days when I slept with the girlfriend of a band member of a Southern rock/blues band that hung out with Gregg Allman. It was an odd night. We screwed like elk for a couple of hours and then she told me she had a boyfriend named Jimmy. He was a musician in a pretty big band in the South. And I wondered, will this be my only claim to fame? It?s the equivalent to standing in the urinal next to Jack Nicholson. And then Jenny came along, and she?s a star unto herself. smog.blog powered by buddy V2.0 |