| recent comments mjp said: I'm, uh, working on it. Right now. ~ Fly me to the moon, then blow that shit up! shane said: michael phillips,you are a fuckin madman,post yer next story... ~ Fly me to the moon, then blow that shit up! mjp said: Yes, that is a potential problem for people in 10,001. I often worry about... ~ Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this... damian said: indeed. ~ Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this... Scott h Florance said: The Christians believe Jesus Christ tis immortal and he lives forever. It is... ~ Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this... mjp said: Isn't there a NASCAR or gun or fishing or tabakky-chewing site you can go... ~ I can see for miles, but it's kind of blurry up ahead Andrew Olin Jones said: Hillbilly said you might turn off the smog but I don't want you to do that... ~ I can see for miles, but it's kind of blurry up ahead mjp said: My childhood box? I don't think anyone wants to open that... ~ Fly me to the moon, then blow that shit up!   previous ramblings • I can see for miles, but it's kind of blurry up ahead 2.18.08 • Simple is as simple does 1.31.08 • I feel the earthworms under my feet 1.22.08 • New boots and panties 1.19.08 • I haven't given up, I've just stopped trying 12.25.07 • I don't pray. Kneeling bags my nylons. 12.20.07 • So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night 9.19.07 • Grab the closet case by the horns 8.11.07 • Blogged down in the forum of my youth 5.23.07 • Hotter than July 5.16.07 • 26 Miles Across the Deep Blue Sea 5.11.07 • A rose by any other name, still doesn't smell so good 4.6.07 • Children of a lesser dog from hell 2.22.07 • Squid lights 1.9.07 • Cats and dogs 12.19.06 • Mission accomplished! 11.22.06 • Various tidbits of marginal interest to anyone 11.9.06 • Buddy, can you spare a town? 10.16.06 • A garbage can is somewhat precise. 10.6.06 • Another cantankerous rant - surprise! 9.25.06 • Hey, where you been? 9.1.06 • Geeeeeeee mail, @smog.net 7.27.06 • Oh good lord, it's a kid's show 7.22.06 • Sleeping dogs 6.28.06 • Dumb and dumber 6.21.06 • HDTV for $150! 5.16.06 • Thank you for calling the White House. My name is Krishna, how may I be providing you excellent service today? 4.28.06 • Decades and bits of centuries 4.24.06 • Secret Society 3.22.06 • Sometimes I don't speak right, but yet I know what I'm talking about 3.20.06 • This is the modern world 3.15.06 • Shakespeare never did this 2.18.06 • Who is Lonnie Tolliver, and why should you care? 1.27.06 • Scuttlebutt and innuendo 1.16.06 • Beware the fury of a patient man 1.6.06 • I feel 100 pounds lighter already... 12.30.05 • Dude! Your wiki is showing... 12.20.05 • Yeti spotted, film at 11! 12.19.05 • "God is a concept by which we measure our pain." 12.9.05 • Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this... 12.8.05 • Hey, what's with the torn up clothes, and didn't you have a shag haircut last week? 12.5.05 • Shameless self-promotion or a desperate cry for love? You decide. 11.18.05 • Further proof that drinking will kill you 11.6.05 • Big Apple dreamin' on a wooden floor 11.1.05 • Happy birthday to smog. Now where's my cake? 10.16.05 • I got nothing 10.4.05 • free within my own doom 9.25.05 • A Rambling Essay on Politics and the Bleeding Life Written While Drinking a Six-Pack (Tall) 9.12.05 • (There's Gonna Be A) Showdown 8.31.05 • Well, could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then? 8.28.05 • What has four wheels and flies? 8.21.05 • Don't think twice, it's all right 8.13.05 • My ass is getting cold sitting on this glacier... 8.11.05 • Capital radio 8.11.05 • nobody's fault 7.23.05 • secret santa 7.3.05 • everything we touch turns to rust 6.21.05 • on the edge of seventeen 6.13.05 • life at 300 baud 6.9.05 • 12 steps away from the screen, running 6.5.05 • shake a leg 6.5.05 • san pedro anarchy press, Inc. 5.22.05 • Z is for zealot 5.20.05 • Lenny Bruce was right 5.16.05 • bad meat in the can 5.12.05 • it's in the water 5.12.05 • you tell me 5.10.05 • what matters most is how well you're lit 5.5.05 • just keep pulling the handle, it'll all be over soon 5.3.05 • rust never sleeps 4.24.05 • randomness, chaos and deliverance 4.21.05 • baby was a black sheep, baby was a whore 4.20.05 • Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream? 4.16.05 • roses are red, violets are blue, i thought my hell had ended, but the devil is a crafty bastard with a sick sense of humor and a mean streak a mile wide 4.14.05 • rock the cash bar 4.12.05 • many rivers to cross 4.10.05 • imitation is the sincerest form of unoriginality 4.8.05 • if you are the big tree, we are the small axe! 4.8.05 • give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine 4.4.05 • and who the hell figured QWERTY was a good idea? 4.4.05 • your pope was nothing compared to this guy! 4.3.05 • you've got a TV...i've got a TV...we've all got TV's... 3.29.05 • hitler painted roses 3.26.05 • counselor 3.25.05 • she's still here, damn it! 3.21.05 • patience is a virtue, but resignation is for suckers. 3.13.05 • should have taken mom up on those violin lessons... 3.9.05 • last night a dj saved my life! yeah, maaaaan! 3.9.05 • if i had a hammer... 3.8.05 • caveman re-invents the wheel! film at 11. 3.7.05 • he's mad as hell, and he's not going to take it anymore! 3.4.05 • this is a public service announcement - with guitar! 3.2.05 • battlefield girth 2.28.05 • never give a media giant an even break 2.25.05 • 10 Things I've done that you haven't 2.24.05 • come back, bastard! 2.23.05 • hey, just because he likes Judy Garland records and the Tony awards doesn't necessarily mean anything... 2.23.05 • "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." 2.21.05 • I couldn't say it if it wasn't true 2.17.05 • The demons begged Jesus, "If you drive us out, send us into the herd of pigs." 2.11.05 • how to lose 10 pounds in five minutes! 2.6.05 • earth to smog, earth to smog 2.5.05 • my own private chernobyl... 2.2.05 • Estoy solo, pero siento que tu estas conmigo. 1.26.05 • confessions of an obsessive freak of nature 1.5.05 • death wants more death 12.30.04 • every mikkle make a muckle (ask a Jamaican what it means) 12.17.04 • things that don't suck 12.15.04 • what's it all about, mjp? 11.11.04 • old dog, new tricks 9.2.04 • if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all 8.15.04 • Frida Kahlo, Charles Bukowski and Joel-Peter Witkin have left the building 2.13.03 • R.I.P. smog.net 5.19.04 • almost cut my hair...it happened just the other day 4.23.04 • and we're back! 4.22.04 • one cocoa full a basket 2.14.04 • let's get ready to rumble 1.24.04 • brace yourself for a shitstorm 1.6.04 • it's my party, i'll o.d. if i want to 12.6.03 • pimp-a-licious 11.27.03 • on a clear day you can see the 18th century 11.9.03 • men are from mars, women are from vegas 10.14.03 • hit and run walker 10.6.03 • It's all cow, after all 10.2.03 • Johnny Cash is dead, Tower records is bankrupt, gawd save the fucking Queen. 9.13.03 • any history of mental illness? 9.10.03 • boggle: to hesitate as if in fear or doubt. 9.6.03 • pass the aspirin 8.27.03 • this is what i get for leaving the house 7.21.03 • safety in numbers 7.13.03 • god damn 7.11.03 • a million and one stupid things... 6.6.03 • praise Jeebus! 5.23.03 • Kennedy to John Lydon; "Oh, lighten up!" 5.20.03 • they say the French are cowards and assholes... 5.2.03 • I couldn't possibly be *that* fat! 4.19.03 • what's so funny 'bout peace love and understanding? 3.22.03 • this skunk's for you 3.12.03 • Monday's coming like a jail on wheels 2.24.03 • linux, linus, lomax, duck! 2.20.03 • FREE MICHAEL JACKSON! 2.18.03 • the weather in Los Angeles is cloudy 2.13.03 ©1995-2008 mjp | HDTV for $150! Tuesday, May 16th 2006, 3:50am Well, ahhhh, let's see. God damn, a lot has gone on in the last week and a half. First thing is, I got HIGH DEFINITION TV!  Actually, I got glasses. My vision has always been most marvelous, or so I thought. I'm getting old, see, so I can't see things up close so well. So I went to the eye doctor and got me some expensive reading glasses. I don't use them. A few months later I went back to the eye doctor and got a prescription for "seeing everything else" glasses, and it's made the formerly blurry world most high def! I didn't realize the world was blurry, but it was indeed, very blurry. So there you have it. Why did I wait two months to get the glasses? Because I wait two months to do everything. Fix the car, file the taxes, you name it.What else happened? Not much. New Job. That's pretty insane, because it's in the same industry (if you can call it that) but in a completely different niche. I'm at a Windows host now. Not just Windows, but ultra-geek-cutting-edge Windows. In fact, 2006 Product of the Year and 2006 Best Hosting Service award winning Windows hosting. I know, you're really impressed, aren't you? For the vast majority of you that don't know what the hell I'm talking about, imagine that you worked at a school teaching people how to speak Spanish, and you did that for ten years or so. One Friday you worked at your Spanish teaching job, then suddenly the following Monday you got up in the morning and went to a new school where you taught Hebrew. Only you don't really know Hebrew, only enough to buy a pizza and insult someone. Now what do you do? You adapt, I guess, and that's what I'm trying to do.  One morning - my third day on the job - I was tooling on in, minding my own business when the transmission on the official SMOG.NET Trooper gave up the ghost. I limped it around Pasadena until I got to a transmission shop, where they said, "$1200 plus parts!" so I drove on in to work. Well, I tried to drive on in to work, but the dead transmission only made it a few blocks. Bottom line - weighed the options and am fixing the official SMOG.NET Trooper. Final tab: $2298 - plus tax. "But mjp, that's the down payment on a new car!" I know. Don't ask. Seems like a good idea, We shall see. so, the day the Trooper died, I took the train home. From Pasadena to San Pedro is only 40 miles on the freeway, and probably 30 miles as the buzzard flies, but on the train it's Gold line to the Red line to the Blue line, and the Blue line is fucking slow, so it takes hours. I've lived in Los Angeles for 22 years, and I've taken the bus once, and now the train once. I'm taking it tomorrow morning too, and may even take it a couple days a week from now on. It's slow, but it's only $3 a day, or $52 a month. I spend almost $52 filling the tank of the Trooper once. Freeways to work, by the way --- I take five of them. Five freeways. 110 to the 5 to the 2 to the 134 to the 210. That's a total of 461 I think, which is a lot. But it doesn't take me any more time than driving from San Pedro to Culver City, which I did for three and a half years, so I'm not complaining.  I'm carrying a moleskine notebook around with me lately to write shit in, and it's pretty handy. A top notch tool, I have to say. I bought it in Sedona, AZ a few weeks ago. Oh yeah, we went to Phoenix for a show Carol was in, and decided to go to Sedona and the Grand Canyon afterwards. Carol had never seen either. The Grand Canyon, if you haven't been, is really fucking big. So yeah, notebook, notes, poems - Riding Out the Dumb Silence is finished. I got a proof from the publishing joint, and it's okay, but I might want to completely change the format and cover and who knows what else, so it may not be ready for prime time on June 1 like the "buy shit" page says. Bear with me. It took me ten years, you can wait a couple of weeks. What else, what else --- oh yeah - I had a nice sit down meeting with two blokes from Scotland Yard and a couple of FBI agents. Go figure. It's part of the joy of running datapimp.com. I've dealt with the FBI a few times before, but this is the first time I've given a statement to Scotland Yard detectives. If the case goes to trial I may have to go to London to stand up at the trial and throw goose livers at the defendant, or whatever they do over there. On the UK government's dime, of course. Wouldn't that be tragic? Yeah. As long as I don't have to wear a big white wig and murmur while the opposition party speaks, I don't care. I like London. I hope they need me to come testify. cars, scanners, shoes, pants, hair, sandwiches - all these things figured prominently lately, but I'll be damned, this is more than enough typing. Okay, one more thing - Linda Bukowski came to Carol's studio last weekend. Groovy, baby. The Jasmine is blooming in the yard, and we're going to stay in San Pedro until they drag us away. on Friday, May 19th 2006 at 2:22am, damo said: tell us more, mjp. i am cold and drunk here in toronto and i need digital sustenance. or don't. leave it to my imagination. i dare ya. on Friday, May 19th 2006 at 10:18pm, Hillbilly Jones said: "Digital sustenance." LOL damo, why don't you just go into a chat room and get you some pussy? That'll warm you up temporarily. on Saturday, May 20th 2006 at 7:23am, damian said: digital pussy? what kind of sad fucker do you take me for? i had an awesome dream that i was driving a big rig from toronto to montreal last night. have you ever driven a rig, hillbilly? for some reason i suspect you have. on Sunday, May 21st 2006 at 12:36pm, Hillbilly Jones said: Lordy?have mercy, slow down Big D. Our friendship is starting out like that of a dog to a fire hydrant. Are you that horny for hate? Lordy, boy, you might ease up on the sauce a wee bit and type with all ten fingers. I can't say that I have driven a rig. Although I rode in one, one time, back in my hitch hiking days. The driver was a nice guy who just wanted some conversation with someone other than his dick. And yes, if life imitates art I suspect he was a black velvet painting but when he learned that I hadn?t eaten in half a day he bought me a big dinner at a roadside caf? that had an old time pinball machine. Funny thing about people who pick up hitch hikers; they usually had alcohol or pot or both. And, unless they wanted to cut me up into a hundred pieces, they were usually very friendly. And something else about black velvet paintings, Uncle Ray and Aunt Jane have thirteen in their winter trailer back in the holler. Nine of Elvis and four of Mr. John Wayne. We don?t see much of Ray and Jane anymore since Ray brought home the Booger Holler High School principal, who had been divorced about three months at the time, Ellen Jean McDermott, one night when Jane was supposedly spending the night in Cave City with her mom. It was Ray?s 55th birthday and we?d all chipped in and had a surprise party for him at his house. Nobody had called him to wish him a happy birthday or sent cards or nothin?. We wanted to shock the shit out of him. And we did. You should have seen Jane?s face when she saw Ellen Jean walk through the front door, giggling like a sixth grader with moist pink panties. Oh my gawd. It was ugly. And you should have seen Ray?s eyes when we all jumped out and yelled, ?Surprise! Happy Birthday!? It might not have been so bad ?cept Ray?s fly was already unzipped and the horse was already out of the barn. Ray must have taken a double dose of Cialis, free samples I?m sure that our second cousin, Dr. Henry Proctor Jr., had supplied. Henry was real good about giving drug samples to his kin folk. He even gave my Mrs. a free enema back when some kind of crud was going round from our holler to the holler on the other side of the mountain. It?s still a little embarrassing each year when Henry sticks his finger up my ass. I always insist that he charge me for that. The nine Elvis paintings are strategically placed throughout the trailer so you can?t walk far without Elvis looking at you. One of Mr. John Wayne hung in the living room and the other three were in the hall. When Jane took Ray back with very little fussing it confirmed our suspicions that Jane had been fucking John Allen Moses, the owner of the ?Friendly Wave? bait shop on the White River while Uncle Ray was at the cock fights. She knew he?d never come home early from a cock fight. I know I wouldn?t. Aunt Jane has only brought it up once since it happened in 1996. She got drunk at Thanksgiving about five years ago and said announced at the dinner table that she would probably go to work the day that they buried Ray cause she believes in business before pleasure. That was the last nail she ever pounded into Ray over that embarrassment. Ellen Jean stills runs the High School but Ray resigned from the school board ?for personal reasons.? Ellen Jean?s ex-husband, John David McDermott, drove a rig. We called him J.D. He regularly made runs to Toronto. He said that Toronto was full of punk drunks who type with one hand cause they were always holding their dick with their other hand. I don?t agree, but then, what?s my own humble opinion against thousands of others? on Monday, May 22nd 2006 at 11:20am, damian said: whoah dude, i think you misread what i was gettin at. ah well. it's only the internet, but i like it. on Saturday, May 27th 2006 at 2:32am, blowjob said: just wanted to say i think you suck. poser. on Saturday, May 27th 2006 at 12:59pm, mjp said: blowjob (posting from BOSTON, home of Endurance International Group) said: just wanted to say i think you suck. poser. I already know that you think that Josh. When Endurance International Group fires you - and they will - I suggest a move back to Texas and a career in the coffee serving field. If this isn't Josh, which is unlikely, but rather some other poor Endurance International Group suckerfish, stop it! Ouch! You are hurting my feelings! on Monday, May 29th 2006 at 11:14am, steve said: hah! the creativity some people have... on Sunday, June 18th 2006 at 12:04am, Hillbilly Jones said: The Mrs. and I found out that screwing to The Pixies "Hey" helps pass the time pretty good. The beat is perfect. And then we followed with Daniel Powter's "Suspect" which gave us a pretty good workout. The topper was Little Richard singing Midnight Special at hyperspeed. And then laying there afterwards watching a Bush race. It don?t get no better than this. The kids is all gone this week. The grandkids too. They even took Carson, one of the dogs, with them. So we're sitting around half naked and eating ice cream sandwiches and watching Six Feet Under between all the fucking. The Mrs. looked like Claire when she was eighteen except the Mrs. was more hot than that. The same red hair. The same sexy eyes. The lips. Hot fucking damn! I remember it well! We even got out little Jamie Lea?s ? Sade CD. That was the Mrs.? favorite but I only gived it a six on a ten point scale. Despite the music I give Mrs. Jones a perfect ten. But the Pixies? ?Hey? is hard to beat. No pun intended. If you haven't seen that "Hey" video by "Tasha" find it. It's fucking awesome! Like the last nine seconds of a sunset. on Friday, April 4th 2008 at 1:50pm, hoochmonkey9 said: I know this post is 2 years old, but I have to say I also love Moleskin notebooks. and I don't think you are a poser who sucks. we spell it poseur, but maybe that's because I'm Canadian. or it's because I'm the poser. nah, that can't be it. now, where's my beret..... on Sunday, April 6th 2008 at 3:24am, mjp said: The Moleskine is unequalled. Try carrying around one of those tiny spiral bound notebooks in your pocket for a year. See what's left of it. Though I read they wee not going to be made in Italy anymore somewhere, so I bought a whole stack of them. Carol uses them too, but I think we have a five year supply here... smog.blog powered by buddy V2.0 |