| recent comments mjp said: I'm, uh, working on it. Right now. ~ Fly me to the moon, then blow that shit up! shane said: michael phillips,you are a fuckin madman,post yer next story... ~ Fly me to the moon, then blow that shit up! mjp said: Yes, that is a potential problem for people in 10,001. I often worry about... ~ Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this... damian said: indeed. ~ Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this... Scott h Florance said: The Christians believe Jesus Christ tis immortal and he lives forever. It is... ~ Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this... mjp said: Isn't there a NASCAR or gun or fishing or tabakky-chewing site you can go... ~ I can see for miles, but it's kind of blurry up ahead Andrew Olin Jones said: Hillbilly said you might turn off the smog but I don't want you to do that... ~ I can see for miles, but it's kind of blurry up ahead mjp said: My childhood box? I don't think anyone wants to open that... ~ Fly me to the moon, then blow that shit up!   previous ramblings • I can see for miles, but it's kind of blurry up ahead 2.18.08 • Simple is as simple does 1.31.08 • I feel the earthworms under my feet 1.22.08 • New boots and panties 1.19.08 • I haven't given up, I've just stopped trying 12.25.07 • I don't pray. Kneeling bags my nylons. 12.20.07 • So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night 9.19.07 • Grab the closet case by the horns 8.11.07 • Blogged down in the forum of my youth 5.23.07 • Hotter than July 5.16.07 • 26 Miles Across the Deep Blue Sea 5.11.07 • A rose by any other name, still doesn't smell so good 4.6.07 • Children of a lesser dog from hell 2.22.07 • Squid lights 1.9.07 • Cats and dogs 12.19.06 • Mission accomplished! 11.22.06 • Various tidbits of marginal interest to anyone 11.9.06 • Buddy, can you spare a town? 10.16.06 • A garbage can is somewhat precise. 10.6.06 • Another cantankerous rant - surprise! 9.25.06 • Hey, where you been? 9.1.06 • Geeeeeeee mail, @smog.net 7.27.06 • Oh good lord, it's a kid's show 7.22.06 • Sleeping dogs 6.28.06 • Dumb and dumber 6.21.06 • HDTV for $150! 5.16.06 • Thank you for calling the White House. My name is Krishna, how may I be providing you excellent service today? 4.28.06 • Decades and bits of centuries 4.24.06 • Secret Society 3.22.06 • Sometimes I don't speak right, but yet I know what I'm talking about 3.20.06 • This is the modern world 3.15.06 • Shakespeare never did this 2.18.06 • Who is Lonnie Tolliver, and why should you care? 1.27.06 • Scuttlebutt and innuendo 1.16.06 • Beware the fury of a patient man 1.6.06 • I feel 100 pounds lighter already... 12.30.05 • Dude! Your wiki is showing... 12.20.05 • Yeti spotted, film at 11! 12.19.05 • "God is a concept by which we measure our pain." 12.9.05 • Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this... 12.8.05 • Hey, what's with the torn up clothes, and didn't you have a shag haircut last week? 12.5.05 • Shameless self-promotion or a desperate cry for love? You decide. 11.18.05 • Further proof that drinking will kill you 11.6.05 • Big Apple dreamin' on a wooden floor 11.1.05 • Happy birthday to smog. Now where's my cake? 10.16.05 • I got nothing 10.4.05 • free within my own doom 9.25.05 • A Rambling Essay on Politics and the Bleeding Life Written While Drinking a Six-Pack (Tall) 9.12.05 • (There's Gonna Be A) Showdown 8.31.05 • Well, could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then? 8.28.05 • What has four wheels and flies? 8.21.05 • Don't think twice, it's all right 8.13.05 • My ass is getting cold sitting on this glacier... 8.11.05 • Capital radio 8.11.05 • nobody's fault 7.23.05 • secret santa 7.3.05 • everything we touch turns to rust 6.21.05 • on the edge of seventeen 6.13.05 • life at 300 baud 6.9.05 • 12 steps away from the screen, running 6.5.05 • shake a leg 6.5.05 • san pedro anarchy press, Inc. 5.22.05 • Z is for zealot 5.20.05 • Lenny Bruce was right 5.16.05 • bad meat in the can 5.12.05 • it's in the water 5.12.05 • you tell me 5.10.05 • what matters most is how well you're lit 5.5.05 • just keep pulling the handle, it'll all be over soon 5.3.05 • rust never sleeps 4.24.05 • randomness, chaos and deliverance 4.21.05 • baby was a black sheep, baby was a whore 4.20.05 • Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream? 4.16.05 • roses are red, violets are blue, i thought my hell had ended, but the devil is a crafty bastard with a sick sense of humor and a mean streak a mile wide 4.14.05 • rock the cash bar 4.12.05 • many rivers to cross 4.10.05 • imitation is the sincerest form of unoriginality 4.8.05 • if you are the big tree, we are the small axe! 4.8.05 • give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine 4.4.05 • and who the hell figured QWERTY was a good idea? 4.4.05 • your pope was nothing compared to this guy! 4.3.05 • you've got a TV...i've got a TV...we've all got TV's... 3.29.05 • hitler painted roses 3.26.05 • counselor 3.25.05 • she's still here, damn it! 3.21.05 • patience is a virtue, but resignation is for suckers. 3.13.05 • should have taken mom up on those violin lessons... 3.9.05 • last night a dj saved my life! yeah, maaaaan! 3.9.05 • if i had a hammer... 3.8.05 • caveman re-invents the wheel! film at 11. 3.7.05 • he's mad as hell, and he's not going to take it anymore! 3.4.05 • this is a public service announcement - with guitar! 3.2.05 • battlefield girth 2.28.05 • never give a media giant an even break 2.25.05 • 10 Things I've done that you haven't 2.24.05 • come back, bastard! 2.23.05 • hey, just because he likes Judy Garland records and the Tony awards doesn't necessarily mean anything... 2.23.05 • "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." 2.21.05 • I couldn't say it if it wasn't true 2.17.05 • The demons begged Jesus, "If you drive us out, send us into the herd of pigs." 2.11.05 • how to lose 10 pounds in five minutes! 2.6.05 • earth to smog, earth to smog 2.5.05 • my own private chernobyl... 2.2.05 • Estoy solo, pero siento que tu estas conmigo. 1.26.05 • confessions of an obsessive freak of nature 1.5.05 • death wants more death 12.30.04 • every mikkle make a muckle (ask a Jamaican what it means) 12.17.04 • things that don't suck 12.15.04 • what's it all about, mjp? 11.11.04 • old dog, new tricks 9.2.04 • if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all 8.15.04 • Frida Kahlo, Charles Bukowski and Joel-Peter Witkin have left the building 2.13.03 • R.I.P. smog.net 5.19.04 • almost cut my hair...it happened just the other day 4.23.04 • and we're back! 4.22.04 • one cocoa full a basket 2.14.04 • let's get ready to rumble 1.24.04 • brace yourself for a shitstorm 1.6.04 • it's my party, i'll o.d. if i want to 12.6.03 • pimp-a-licious 11.27.03 • on a clear day you can see the 18th century 11.9.03 • men are from mars, women are from vegas 10.14.03 • hit and run walker 10.6.03 • It's all cow, after all 10.2.03 • Johnny Cash is dead, Tower records is bankrupt, gawd save the fucking Queen. 9.13.03 • any history of mental illness? 9.10.03 • boggle: to hesitate as if in fear or doubt. 9.6.03 • pass the aspirin 8.27.03 • this is what i get for leaving the house 7.21.03 • safety in numbers 7.13.03 • god damn 7.11.03 • a million and one stupid things... 6.6.03 • praise Jeebus! 5.23.03 • Kennedy to John Lydon; "Oh, lighten up!" 5.20.03 • they say the French are cowards and assholes... 5.2.03 • I couldn't possibly be *that* fat! 4.19.03 • what's so funny 'bout peace love and understanding? 3.22.03 • this skunk's for you 3.12.03 • Monday's coming like a jail on wheels 2.24.03 • linux, linus, lomax, duck! 2.20.03 • FREE MICHAEL JACKSON! 2.18.03 • the weather in Los Angeles is cloudy 2.13.03 ©1995-2008 mjp | Well, could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then? Sunday, August 28th 2005, 12:26am Well, I think I have this set up now to stop most of the comments from the casinos and mortgage scam joints. What kind of festering bag of filth resorts to spamming anyway? I went to the wedding of one of Carol's friends a year or so ago, and I met a guy there who was one of the bigger spammers, or worked for one of the bigger spammers, but it was a wedding, so I didn't spit on him or punch him in his mouth to break all of his teeth. And I can honestly say now that not injuring him somehow is one of my only regrets in life. And yes, brothers and sisters, I know violence is not the answer, and only love can conquer, but I've had it. You can love the cocksuckers, I'm going to smack them around when I get a chance. There's no easily targetable comment file here to aim a bot at, so there must be humans doing it. I doubt the people clicking around to add spam here can even read this though. They are no doubt illiterate subnormals who think eighteen cents and hour is a great wage, and the actual shit bags responsible for hiring them are somewhere in New Jersey with corncobs up their asses. Just a guess. But I'm sure I'm not far off the mark. on Monday, August 29th 2005 at 11:21pm, chosha said: He not only is a spammer but he TELLS PEOPLE he's a spammer? That's like telling someone you make child porn. That's like telling someone with kids that you make child porn. on Tuesday, August 30th 2005 at 10:51pm, Hillbilly Jones said: Inside our heads is where the spam monkeys used to climb. They suspect we don?t watch Nancy Grace swing from her whiny vine of emotion, even though the ratings say we do. They haven?t figured out we leave the TV on while we cruise the Internet. Well, actually, they have figured it out. That?s the point. In fact, slowing growth tells them loudly that we don?t watch much TV anymore. Hmmm. So I guess that means that when we leave the TV on and cruise the Internet the networks think we?re watching when we?re not which supports their advertising rates which keeps them artificially high which is passed on to us in higher prices so we end up indirectly paying for the mechanism that put George Bush Jr. into the Oval Office. Sheesh. Now I feel like a monkey. Although Nancy Grace?s vibes have always been an irritant, I of course would have taken her home and nailed her, monkey style (had I met her in a bar when we both were drunk and horny and we both couldn?t find anybody else to leave with) UNTIL she announced she was barely 5 feet tall. I turned to my wife and said, ?Ewwwwwwww.? Besides, her hair is such a helmet of a thing I?d rather watch Gomer Pyle suck off Goober on Pay Per View than listen to her condemnatory vomiting from the confines of my sofa. Short women rule, orally speaking, but it?s the tall ones?five foot ten, and up?that fuck like a jungle on fire. You know, when Timba clomps and gallops, the zebras grab their purses like bar whores and scurry, the tigers do back flips across the river and under the waterfall with Peter Allen singing in the background , and as spam monkeys sit at their computers and take aim, with one arm curled under and scratching his or her side, and the other arm left-clicking on our lives. They used to want our minds. Now they want to peel our souls like a mushy black banana; the way my dad used to like them. on Friday, September 9th 2005 at 8:01pm, gary tgm said: "We have created our myth. The myth is a faith, a passion. It is not necessary for it to be a reality on Tuesday, September 20th 2005 at 6:45am, Ulf Skei said: Well, that's the way it goes. Macintosh almost m-softs it these days. But more expensively, though. Commersialism is a winner, and the fact that USA is growing is a proof as good as any that the american way must be somehow right. Right? More effective than the Swedish way anyhow. It'll soon be election here, and the parties from left to right tell us why the other guy is wrong. And the Social democrats team up with any possible party to keep power. This is not denmocrasy, I believe. The bargaining for power and free goodies for politicians is a mess. We created it, now we must live with it. The american system with parties working on their own behalf seems a lot more just and fair to me. But what the heck. Im just a foreigner admiring democracy... on Tuesday, September 12th 2006 at 9:11pm, Morgan Freeman said: Congratulations on a great web site. I am a new computer user and finding you was like coming home. Continued success. on Monday, September 18th 2006 at 11:44pm, Hillbilly Jones said: Morgan, I loved you in that movie, well, all those movies. I forgot the name of them. You kicked ass most of the time and I don't think I've ever seen you die. Jeepers, dude, you're one bad ass mutha fucka, not to mention a multimillionair living in Mississippi with Kudzu and fire ants and ghost towns with a windy sound. Yeah, this is a cool website, although them spam fucks make me crazy. It's like my daddy used to say, "If your parents never had children the odds are you won't either." on Friday, September 29th 2006 at 12:27am, Hillbilly Jones said: Are we gonna have to go out and become spam fucks ourselves in order to bring some interesting weirdos to this site? Or do I need to adopt some far out fucked up viewpoint on a posting and try to sucker the interesting ones out of their caves into argument? I could be a spam fuck in Yahoo Chat. I?d hang out in the By Location rooms. I?d go from Arkansas to Washington, and then to Florida, and then pass by Ohio and Wisconsin on my way to Nashville. I could copy/paste: www dot smog dot net (only interesting weirdos please. you know who you are fuckers!) Cletus Blacksmith, of Dover, came by the house today. Cletus? great grandfather and then four grandfathers back farther were all in fact, real blacksmiths. And Cletus has always been rather proud of that fact and he loves to talk about it. Only thing is, his great grandfather, whose real name was Theodore Lincoln Blacksmith but everybody called him Blacky, fucked 80% of the women in these parts back then. Supposedly he had a dick like a pony?s and he?d make house calls to shoe horses and score with?what is now--everybody?s great grandmothers. Everytime he comes by the house I wonder if his great grandfather screwed my great granny. It sort of spoils the moment. Anyway, we put up with him and when he came by today he said he had visited smog dot net, per my request; and he said he thinks we?re a bunch of space pussies with genital warts the size of bowling balls. When I started talking about the spam he got hungry. Since odds are Blacky screwed my great granny I opened up a bag of chips and a spoiled can of onion dip, and let Cletus eat the whole thing. I?m sure he won?t read this because he only goes on the net at the library on rainy Saturdays and besides he called us pussies, but if he does: I?m just kiddin? Cletus. I?m sure the diarrhea was purely coincidental. I?m gonna go to Yahoo Chat and be a spam fuck for a few minutes. on Tuesday, December 12th 2006 at 11:15pm, Pavan Gav said: I lost my virginity, pity on Sunday, December 17th 2006 at 11:41pm, Hillbilly Jones said: Well did you lose teeth in the process? on Thursday, December 28th 2006 at 4:41am, Kaiska Ansky said: Can anyone make me a diabolo? or a god? on Friday, December 29th 2006 at 10:00pm, mjp said: Yes. on Saturday, December 30th 2006 at 12:52am, Hillbilly Jones said: diablo the god with the short limp rod how do your angels grow? with cock rings and other things as your mama plays the ho? go to your heaven diablo the god pinch your weenie like a needle and thread and maybe your sister will give you some snatch or your cousin, that little-mouthed angel, might give you some head. "If you owe the bank $100 that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem." ~JP Getty on Tuesday, January 9th 2007 at 1:45pm, Zarra Ock said: God bless any child in this world and beyond on Thursday, January 11th 2007 at 1:17am, mjp said: Yeah, that's not too far out of left field or anything... on Friday, February 9th 2007 at 5:59pm, damian said: what's with these retarded fortune cookie messages? close the asylum doors, mjp! on Tuesday, February 27th 2007 at 9:10pm, Hillbilly Jones said: I guess the retarded fortune cookie messages are part of this art called smog dot net, so he can't or shouldn't take them off the site. I'm not sure if that was a statement or a question. on Wednesday, February 28th 2007 at 2:04pm, damian said: it was kinda both, 'Billy. but seriously, "gren peace, blue sky"? what the fuck? and the names look like spammer names. when did spam become art? (cue 800 word rant on spam as art) on Thursday, March 1st 2007 at 12:23am, Hillbilly Jones said: Spam as art. Yep. Check out this link. Even a socialist would like this: dubya dubya dubya dot neatorama dot com forward slash 2006 forward slash 07 forward slash 21 spam-as-art forward slash smog.blog powered by buddy V2.0 |