| recent comments mjp said: I'm, uh, working on it. Right now. ~ Fly me to the moon, then blow that shit up! shane said: michael phillips,you are a fuckin madman,post yer next story... ~ Fly me to the moon, then blow that shit up! mjp said: Yes, that is a potential problem for people in 10,001. I often worry about... ~ Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this... damian said: indeed. ~ Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this... Scott h Florance said: The Christians believe Jesus Christ tis immortal and he lives forever. It is... ~ Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this... mjp said: Isn't there a NASCAR or gun or fishing or tabakky-chewing site you can go... ~ I can see for miles, but it's kind of blurry up ahead Andrew Olin Jones said: Hillbilly said you might turn off the smog but I don't want you to do that... ~ I can see for miles, but it's kind of blurry up ahead mjp said: My childhood box? I don't think anyone wants to open that... ~ Fly me to the moon, then blow that shit up!   previous ramblings • I can see for miles, but it's kind of blurry up ahead 2.18.08 • Simple is as simple does 1.31.08 • I feel the earthworms under my feet 1.22.08 • New boots and panties 1.19.08 • I haven't given up, I've just stopped trying 12.25.07 • I don't pray. Kneeling bags my nylons. 12.20.07 • So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night 9.19.07 • Grab the closet case by the horns 8.11.07 • Blogged down in the forum of my youth 5.23.07 • Hotter than July 5.16.07 • 26 Miles Across the Deep Blue Sea 5.11.07 • A rose by any other name, still doesn't smell so good 4.6.07 • Children of a lesser dog from hell 2.22.07 • Squid lights 1.9.07 • Cats and dogs 12.19.06 • Mission accomplished! 11.22.06 • Various tidbits of marginal interest to anyone 11.9.06 • Buddy, can you spare a town? 10.16.06 • A garbage can is somewhat precise. 10.6.06 • Another cantankerous rant - surprise! 9.25.06 • Hey, where you been? 9.1.06 • Geeeeeeee mail, @smog.net 7.27.06 • Oh good lord, it's a kid's show 7.22.06 • Sleeping dogs 6.28.06 • Dumb and dumber 6.21.06 • HDTV for $150! 5.16.06 • Thank you for calling the White House. My name is Krishna, how may I be providing you excellent service today? 4.28.06 • Decades and bits of centuries 4.24.06 • Secret Society 3.22.06 • Sometimes I don't speak right, but yet I know what I'm talking about 3.20.06 • This is the modern world 3.15.06 • Shakespeare never did this 2.18.06 • Who is Lonnie Tolliver, and why should you care? 1.27.06 • Scuttlebutt and innuendo 1.16.06 • Beware the fury of a patient man 1.6.06 • I feel 100 pounds lighter already... 12.30.05 • Dude! Your wiki is showing... 12.20.05 • Yeti spotted, film at 11! 12.19.05 • "God is a concept by which we measure our pain." 12.9.05 • Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this... 12.8.05 • Hey, what's with the torn up clothes, and didn't you have a shag haircut last week? 12.5.05 • Shameless self-promotion or a desperate cry for love? You decide. 11.18.05 • Further proof that drinking will kill you 11.6.05 • Big Apple dreamin' on a wooden floor 11.1.05 • Happy birthday to smog. Now where's my cake? 10.16.05 • I got nothing 10.4.05 • free within my own doom 9.25.05 • A Rambling Essay on Politics and the Bleeding Life Written While Drinking a Six-Pack (Tall) 9.12.05 • (There's Gonna Be A) Showdown 8.31.05 • Well, could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then? 8.28.05 • What has four wheels and flies? 8.21.05 • Don't think twice, it's all right 8.13.05 • My ass is getting cold sitting on this glacier... 8.11.05 • Capital radio 8.11.05 • nobody's fault 7.23.05 • secret santa 7.3.05 • everything we touch turns to rust 6.21.05 • on the edge of seventeen 6.13.05 • life at 300 baud 6.9.05 • 12 steps away from the screen, running 6.5.05 • shake a leg 6.5.05 • san pedro anarchy press, Inc. 5.22.05 • Z is for zealot 5.20.05 • Lenny Bruce was right 5.16.05 • bad meat in the can 5.12.05 • it's in the water 5.12.05 • you tell me 5.10.05 • what matters most is how well you're lit 5.5.05 • just keep pulling the handle, it'll all be over soon 5.3.05 • rust never sleeps 4.24.05 • randomness, chaos and deliverance 4.21.05 • baby was a black sheep, baby was a whore 4.20.05 • Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream? 4.16.05 • roses are red, violets are blue, i thought my hell had ended, but the devil is a crafty bastard with a sick sense of humor and a mean streak a mile wide 4.14.05 • rock the cash bar 4.12.05 • many rivers to cross 4.10.05 • imitation is the sincerest form of unoriginality 4.8.05 • if you are the big tree, we are the small axe! 4.8.05 • give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine 4.4.05 • and who the hell figured QWERTY was a good idea? 4.4.05 • your pope was nothing compared to this guy! 4.3.05 • you've got a TV...i've got a TV...we've all got TV's... 3.29.05 • hitler painted roses 3.26.05 • counselor 3.25.05 • she's still here, damn it! 3.21.05 • patience is a virtue, but resignation is for suckers. 3.13.05 • should have taken mom up on those violin lessons... 3.9.05 • last night a dj saved my life! yeah, maaaaan! 3.9.05 • if i had a hammer... 3.8.05 • caveman re-invents the wheel! film at 11. 3.7.05 • he's mad as hell, and he's not going to take it anymore! 3.4.05 • this is a public service announcement - with guitar! 3.2.05 • battlefield girth 2.28.05 • never give a media giant an even break 2.25.05 • 10 Things I've done that you haven't 2.24.05 • come back, bastard! 2.23.05 • hey, just because he likes Judy Garland records and the Tony awards doesn't necessarily mean anything... 2.23.05 • "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." 2.21.05 • I couldn't say it if it wasn't true 2.17.05 • The demons begged Jesus, "If you drive us out, send us into the herd of pigs." 2.11.05 • how to lose 10 pounds in five minutes! 2.6.05 • earth to smog, earth to smog 2.5.05 • my own private chernobyl... 2.2.05 • Estoy solo, pero siento que tu estas conmigo. 1.26.05 • confessions of an obsessive freak of nature 1.5.05 • death wants more death 12.30.04 • every mikkle make a muckle (ask a Jamaican what it means) 12.17.04 • things that don't suck 12.15.04 • what's it all about, mjp? 11.11.04 • old dog, new tricks 9.2.04 • if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all 8.15.04 • Frida Kahlo, Charles Bukowski and Joel-Peter Witkin have left the building 2.13.03 • R.I.P. smog.net 5.19.04 • almost cut my hair...it happened just the other day 4.23.04 • and we're back! 4.22.04 • one cocoa full a basket 2.14.04 • let's get ready to rumble 1.24.04 • brace yourself for a shitstorm 1.6.04 • it's my party, i'll o.d. if i want to 12.6.03 • pimp-a-licious 11.27.03 • on a clear day you can see the 18th century 11.9.03 • men are from mars, women are from vegas 10.14.03 • hit and run walker 10.6.03 • It's all cow, after all 10.2.03 • Johnny Cash is dead, Tower records is bankrupt, gawd save the fucking Queen. 9.13.03 • any history of mental illness? 9.10.03 • boggle: to hesitate as if in fear or doubt. 9.6.03 • pass the aspirin 8.27.03 • this is what i get for leaving the house 7.21.03 • safety in numbers 7.13.03 • god damn 7.11.03 • a million and one stupid things... 6.6.03 • praise Jeebus! 5.23.03 • Kennedy to John Lydon; "Oh, lighten up!" 5.20.03 • they say the French are cowards and assholes... 5.2.03 • I couldn't possibly be *that* fat! 4.19.03 • what's so funny 'bout peace love and understanding? 3.22.03 • this skunk's for you 3.12.03 • Monday's coming like a jail on wheels 2.24.03 • linux, linus, lomax, duck! 2.20.03 • FREE MICHAEL JACKSON! 2.18.03 • the weather in Los Angeles is cloudy 2.13.03 ©1995-2008 mjp | randomness, chaos and deliverance Thursday, April 21st 2005, 9:06pm well, i just got my dog's ear cleaning medicine in my eye (don't ask), and while i was attempting to recover from that unfortunate incident with a wet rag to the eye, a "slow speed chase" went right by the house. not especially noteworthy, i realize, but it didn't happen to any of you today, so i thought it worth putting here. you have to love the "slow speed chase" though. all the lawlessness with none of the drama or impending tragedy. very unsatisfying. now, logic dictates you'd call it a "low speed chase," but all the Los Angeles TV imbecile puppetheads call them "slow speed" chases. it must be written that way in their handbook. and speaking of puppetheads, how about that TV show The Shield? there's some shock-o-tainment for ya. it's a well written show, despite being about one of the three kinds of people who i long ago vowed never to watch shows about (those three being cops, lawyers and doctors). i only break with that vow for The Shield, scrubs, and i guess Deadwood if you consider that to be about a cop, which it is, after a fashion. and after a fashion, i must say that i love the language on Deadwood:  "I see you have that big knife and hid somewhere on your person, you probably got some sort of pussified shootin' instrument, but I am good at first impressions and you are a fucking cunt, and I doubt you fought many men, maybe one.""Whatever lurks ahead of grievous abominations and disorder, you and me walk into it together like always." "Not for us, apparently, the placid harbor, on which voyages near complete, to bob and rock, bob and rock, becalmed. For us, to the very end, the dizzying surges of the storm, and its crashing descents."  (Calamity Jane on General Custer:) "He was no great fucking man. He was a long-haired cocksucker that could've saved many lives by more drinking, and stop being so fucking ambitious, and many still above-ground, and not scalped by the fucking heathens and their guts spread over the Plains.""If we're going to be surprised by that, boys ? government being government ? will we next be shocked by the rivers running and the trees casting fucking shade?" "The noise is terrible, isn't it Mr. Ellsworth. Like Fate." god damn! top that CSI: Miami! on Friday, April 22nd 2005 at 9:16am, tbonekkt said: CSI: Miami is definitely the weak link of the three CSI shows, but it's still better than a lot of the crap out there on network tv.. on Sunday, April 24th 2005 at 7:13pm, mjp said: we're not talking about network tv! network tv is dead! woo hoo! on Sunday, October 8th 2006 at 12:15am, Hillbilly Jones said: I love Deadwood. I?ve never seen it but I love it because a hot young thAng named Sophy Anne Maplestone told me it was her favorite show and that I just had to watch it. Sophy Anne introduced herself to me at a shin dig at The Orpheum, in Memphis, before a play. She wore a black dress and red lipstick and there was no doubt she had nice breasts because the dress displayed about fifty-nine percent of them. I remember how plump her lips looked, as though she?d had cocktail wiener implants. When I saw her lips I wondered what color panties she was wearing. It?s funny how that works, isn?t it? Anyway, she introduced herself as a liberal lawyer?s ex-wife with a great alimony package and I introduced myself as an open minded former bad boy turned good boy. And then we played witty sayings ping pong for the next forty-five minutes sitting at a corner table while Memphis? finest mingled and yakked about Bush and Cheney and that goddamned smartass John Stewart that was an embarrassment to society. And poor o?l Rush Limbaugh, those bleeding heart socialists who criticize him should be all piled into the Grand Canyon and set on fire. She smoked long, thin cigarettes with a light blue ring around the end of the filter. They were no brand of which I?d ever heard. And her breath smelled better than Aunt Erma?s apple pie on a Sunday afternoon. ?Deadwood is my favorite show.? she said, as the lights blinked off and on, signaling it was time for us to take our seats since the show would be starting soon. I never saw her again but sometimes, as I lay in bed with my eyes closed tight and sleep circling the wagons, I can smell her breath, her perfume, and her hair. I?ve thought about getting HBO but I?m a married man. on Sunday, October 8th 2006 at 7:30pm, mjp said: Well, unfortunately for Sophie and I, HBO has yanked the show before the story is complete. This is the second time this has happened (Carnivale was also canceled), and they also canceled one of the funniest shows on TV, Lucky Louie after one short "season." So screw HBO, we're canceling it. on Sunday, October 8th 2006 at 11:06pm, Hillbilly Jones said: The Mrs. and I are fans of SIX FEET UNDER and the SOPRANOS. We have a neighbor who howls over RESCUE ME. We don't have HBO. I buy the seasons on eBay and then sell them when we're finished. Mrs. Jones won't watch a movie twice so we have no need for keeping the sets. So far I've done the eBay thing 4 times with SIX FEET UNDER and I'm $11 to the good. Yeah me. We've heard other grumblings about the demise of DEADWOOD. Too bad because we've heard it was great. You can be sure DEADWOOD was cancelled with money as the base. Guess I'll have to eBay it. on Monday, October 9th 2006 at 8:53am, Melissa Sue said: i cant believe they canned lucky louie. im cancelling 5 of my 12 HBO channels. on Sunday, October 15th 2006 at 1:19am, Hillbilly Jones said: In my day there was only one HBO channel. And the biggest Christmas we ever had was when we got an Amana Radar Range microwave and a color TV for the family room. Wow. Real color. It was like having sex for the first time. Sort of. The only other family within 21 miles of us who had a color TV was a county judge whom will remain nameless even though he's been dead for years. Let's call him Judge Roger. The judge wasn't the brightest crayon in the box but he sure had that dog-eat-dog, fuck your buddy attitude. Roger went far. His wife, let's call her Mary Ailene, wore tight black dresses and looked like Marylyn Monroe's first cousin mixed with a young Pamela Anderson before she got the boob jobs. Mary Ailene flirted with the life guards at the country club in Batesville and giggled when they flirted back. But every now and then she wore dark glasses 24/7 and that's when the stories started. The judge liked to drink and supposedly was heavy into porn. I'm sure he had HBO. He'd sit there and drink Jack and Coke and lay naked on his couch with the drapes wide open at night. Mary Ailene was usually very friendly at the Super Wal-Mart except when she had on her dark glasses. smog.blog powered by buddy V2.0 |